Shit they don’t tell you - Pregnancy and Motherhood.

I'm 37 yrs old, and just gave birth to my first born.....

In my 20's I wanted 4 kids, I always wanted to be a mum. I never had career aspirations I just wanted to be a mum.

Then I hit my 30's and thought maybe I don't have the patience for it anymore. I'm to old, my biological clock is ticking. I have been with my partner for 9 years now. But between my mental health and his in this new world we haven't really had the capacity to bring a child into the world. Then last year, conveniently after we both got our shit together I found out I was pregnant. I mean we already had raised a puppy, how hard could it be.

Let me start by opening with, what the fuck ladies?????

Why do we not talk about pregnancy like real people.... it is a pain in the arse, and I had a good one. Despite being a "geriatric" mother it went very smoothly. Some women have a terrible time and I still maintain it was the worst 9 months of my life, and this bitch has been through it let me tell you.

You find out you are expecting. Everyone is super excited! Although to be fair i didn't even tell work until I was 7 months pregnant, don't want to jinx it after all! Some of my friends didn't even know til I gave birth and I maintain that if you haven't contacted me in 9 months why do I need to contact you to catch you up on news with me.

By week 32 i was done, I was so over it, I was working full time, I was fatter than usual and I was a curvy girl to start with. I was barely sleeping. Not for being uncomfortable just for the fact my brain wouldn't shut off, and let me sleep. I would look at my partner snoring his head off in bliss and want to smother him with a pillow.

Oh come and look at your baby........ ultra sounds...... we were at my first ultrasound and my doctor pulled the do you want to take a picture of the baby? My partner and I looked at one another as if to say what the hell are we looking at here? All we saw was a blob on a screen, and we were both used to our lives going in the wrong direction so we refused to get excited about this profound moment in our life until literally birth. We bought barely anything, we barely discussed it, my partner didn't even tell him parents until every time I sneezed I peed my pants. If we didn't acknowledge it, if we lost it we would be able to cope. It is a flawed theory but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

I won't bore you with the details but let me break it down for what women don't tell you, and just quietly I think it a travesty. We should band together, we don't have to be strong, we don't have to pretend it is fun. I can tell you right now, I never had a glow. Some may, I don't know, but from what I experienced, it was nothing short of expensive, painful, exhausting and no one could really give a shit because it is just what women are suppose to do. And again, I had no issues, my pregnancy was as doctors would describe it, a dream!

The first 3 months is like a constant hangover with none of the perks, I felt ill, all I could eat was toast and to be fair although my partner pretended to give a shit he really could not understand it and therefore couldn't empathize with it. Then the anxiety sets in, I can't get attached, what if something goes wrong, for nearly a year you are in a state of worrying that you will ruin this miracle for both yourself and your partner and not only that but you will have to explain what happened if anything does go wrong.

For 9 months, and who are we kidding it is actually 10, I don't know what man made up this 9 month bullshit. Why aren't women banding together? I literallly don't understand...... Pregnancy is hard..... but no one ever talks about it. No women says you know what this last 10 months has been shit. It has been hell, I have barely slept, I can't eat, my body isn't my own. It is fucking hard.

I had never had anyone tell me how hard it was, I heard how great it was, how worthwhile, how amazing, bla bla bla. It is a bloody shitfight. Why can't we just be honest! By god it is worthwhile, and it is amazing our bodies can do it, but lets be honest, if one more person asked if I wanted a baby shower and my response was and still remains, why in gods name would I when I feel the shittest, the fattest, the most tired, I can't drink, I can't even eat shit because I have gestational diabetes. Just drop the gifts at the door.

Pregnancy is hard, it is tough, and I don't know why women think they can't talk about it. Yes, I want to sneeze without pissing my pants. Yes, I want to sleep without the responsibility of keeping a child alive. Pregnancy is a full time job as far as I am concerned, and don't even get me started on labour and the first 6 weeks, because I am on maternity leave and ready to vent. But I do have the most gorgeous baby in the world and if I don't say so myself, hard as it was we smashed prgnancy and labour.

If you enjoyed this update let me know, and I will happily tell the labour and first time raising a baby as I see it. Honestly and lovingly, with no bullshit.

Like this story for further updates on my journey.