Recently I've been having the same thought over and over again while I lay to rest; "I wish I was loved."

I haven't questioned it until today because I'm sure we all have depressing impulsive thoughts. "I wish I was enough." or "I want to go home." Usually these thoughts come and go like a blistery day.

But, mine just hasn't gone away.

I want to be loved because I wish things were easier. Things would be nicer if I knew someone would hold me at the end of my day. I wouldn't vomit in my mouth if I had a hand to hold. I would feel better if someone told me I was good, if I was something okay at all.

I would think, maybe for a second, that I was beautiful. That one thought could keep me going for weeks.

I want to love someone too. I want to be smug and clever, I want to be gentle and kind. I want to see their laugh in the sunset and smile thinking about them.

I want my words and thoughts to matter to someone. I don't need the sun, I just need to be kept warm.