Association of Useful People

- Good day. - Smiling, shuffling his left foot, a bald man in a long quilted black coat stood on the threshold.

- What?

- I say, it's a wonderful day, the weather is super, and such a blue sky .. mmm, a feast for my eyes. Well, I ask you to welcome, - plump lips on a slightly flattened face, as if it had just been heated with a frying pan, moved at an incredible speed, so that facial expressions could not keep up with intonation.

- Who are you?

- Hello, hi, - eyebrows flew up so that Stan winced. - Yep, you don't need to worry so, now we are going to correct your bewilderment. Allow me to introduce myself, - the man stopped smiling and shuffling his foot, instead became a tense string with a proudly raised chin, - Vladimir Krasin, Association of Useful People.

The name that Stan heard for the first time did not embarrass him in any way, but “Association of Useful People”.

- Are you a volunteer? - Stan asked with relief and immediately regretted his question, noticing how the interlocutor suddenly drooped. Having lost his proud look, he took on a mournful expression, from which Stan hastened to apologize. And then, as if by magic, the man perked up and smiled again:

- It's not worth it, it's not worth it, it's me who is accustomed, prepared to speak, but you see me for the first time. I was warned... - he added quietly.

Stan felt uncomfortable: when the conversation seemed to have reached an impasse, the tension intensified.

- Let me, let me explain. I am authorized to be assigned to you for a period of one month, as a leading specialist in my field. The man paused abruptly, tilting his head to the side.

There were more and more questions, and Stan flared up:

- By whom is it authorized? What industry?

- Hot temper is good, it will play an excellent role in political conflicts, but this is not about that now, - the friendly intonation has not changed despite the cries of Stas, the specialist continued, - in the modern world it is very dangerous to be detached, lead a reclusive life, ignore the information life. You have completely dropped out of society, and I am here to help you. Three years ago, Helpful People units were created in every city for people like you who are not in the digital world or who do not have the skills to live in it. Such as you are not able to know the joy of social contacts through a virtual network and lose friends right and left. How long have you been invited to parties? Or take a walk?

Stan bit his lip.

- I see, for a long time. I was informed...

- And what do you offer me?

- I am your monthly virtual life consultant, you do everything I say, and I return your friends, fans and fame.

A small bald man deftly slipped past Stan into the apartment and threw his coat right on the floor.

- Don't worry, this is the fourth one this week, I can't decide on the style. Let's get started. - He tightly squeezed Stan by the wrist and began to lead from room to room.

- It's good here, a green corner ... but what is this? No, it's not good, throw it away! Everything is trash! Cigarettes? Ugh! What an abomination!

Stan sighed. In his memory, cigarette smoke was closely associated with his father, with warm evenings in the company of friends who were ready to share one cigarette for four.

- And this salty, peppery food! Fat, solid fat! Meat? Are you a killer?

The meat was in the pan, still warm, there was a meatloaf, from which gravy oozed. Mom's favourite dish, which was always served on holidays in a family circle.

- Into the trash!

- What should I eat than? - Smiled Stan.

- Whatever I give, - you will, - the expert muttered and ran into the bedroom, and in a second, a small nose was sticking out in a pile of clothes. “I didn’t think you were in this. And this? What's this?

It was amusing for Stan to watch how the man, who in appearance reminded him of Winnie The Pooh, only bald, fluttered around the room, with an obvious grandmother's dialect and lamentations.

- Mom knitted a long time ago, so I keep it.

- So, sir, sissy ... not that ... maybe black ... no, definitely not, throw it away! The cap flew into Stan's face, but he deftly intercepted it.

- You know what?! - Stan growled, but immediately drooped.

The man was holding a phone with the contacts of all his friends.

- I know. Here, you see, this is Peter, your best friend, well, or the memory that remains of him. And this is your colleague, comrade, what else you need to look for. And the rest. And the rest who avoid you and shun you. They have long gone through socialization with their mentors, but you still won’t start the process of adaptation to the world. It seems to be an adult, ah-ah-ah ... - the man shook his head.

- And what to do? - croaked Stan.

First, let's get close! - Stan staggered, - yes, fie! Let's move on to "you". I’ve already started a little here, well, I decided to help out of hours, - the color flooded the chubby and he smiled, taking out his pants pocket and holding out a brand new phone to the guy. - I registered you everywhere, took, so to speak, the courage to fill out a profile and look, everything is true here.

Stan stared at the screen.

- It's all, everything is the truth about you

- Even the fact that I'm an athlete?

Laughter filled the room.

- Pfft, and who won in school running competitions? Do you think everyone can do this? Ha! As a child, I sat on a bench, clicked the seeds, stared at the girls. And you! You! Do you think I just wrote that you are a creative person? Not every person is able to bawl songs on the roadside with a guitar, but you could. Muse is your second girlfriend, - the specialist winked.

- Come on, stop it, and I don't have a girlfriend. There was, but it's hard for us now. She is very nice, the roll is her handiwork. She cooks for me every weekend, but it seems to me that such an idiot like me is not a couple for her, - Stas fanned himself, - oh, what is this?

- My God, it began, I knew! Knew! - the little man jumped up and squeezed the guy's hand, - your friends. They are back!

Windows with names and funny photos of friends began to flash on the screen. The boy flashed a warm smile.

- Aren't they leaving? - he asked in a whisper, afraid to frighten off luck.

- Where there! I will not let it! What's this? What is that outside the window? - The man leaned against the window, greedily peering into the courtyard.

- Ah, - Stan came up, - this is a neighbor from my entrance. He drinks often, so he dances. He has a wife at home, she is very ill, a wonderful woman.

The old man in the yard suddenly sang a loud obscene song, but with some note of sadness, with anguish, as if his heart was breaking from that pain that cannot be expressed otherwise than through alcoholized notes; and at the highest, spreading his arms, he slipped and plopped down on a soft spot. But this did not stop the exuberant head of the drunk and he continued to bawl songs, trying to get up.

- That's exhausting! - the specialist laughed with the laughter of a hyena, - this is what you need.

- Wait here, I'll help him up.

- Hey! What are you doing?

Stan froze.

- I know his wife, she will be worried, you need to bring him home.

- Bald grimaced.

Everything needs to be taught! Here, - he turned on the camera on his phone, - shoot while you can! If not you, then someone from the house will soon merge such a video! - And you lose everything! Don't stop, look, if you raise the camera and look directly at the screen, you will see that all this is not real, all this is on the screen, like this, I will help you.

Stan's hand rose, and an old man appeared on the screen, who bawled a song - a cheerful, funny one, which bawls only in the presence of bosom friends.

- That's it, shoot, friends will appreciate it!

Stan suddenly started up and flew out into the street like a bullet to help his neighbor.

Do you think the frame is ruined? And nothing, managed to shoot! Now let's come up with a signature. Ha! Here it is!

Feedback from friends was not long in coming. Stan has never received such an amount of attention from once close people. A new feeling awakened in him - a sense of his own significance.

- Hmm, what do we have? - a couple of books, stale on a shelf next to an old blanket, ended up in swollen little fingers.

- Intellectual! - pointedly summed up the little man and took a few photos.

- I am amazed! Struck! You are a truly interesting person. Deep, deep meaning!

Stas blushed.

- Come on, I'm from the bottom of my heart! ABOUT! What are these photos? Is this your school friend?

- Yes, we stopped communicating with him many years ago, but I still keep it as a memory of a good friendship.

He helped me out more than once when... hey!

The sound of breaking glass rang through the room.

- Memory, smack. "Click" and a new photo was ready.

Fingers slid over the keyboard and a minute later Stan's mail was filled with messages. Everyone considered it their duty to ask what was happening in Stan's life, what happened and how he felt. He expected such care only at his mother's house, and here so many people are concerned about him.

- Look, people love other people's suffering, friendship is broken, the heart is in pieces. Mmmm, I love stories like this. And here is your high school friend! Tagged you in the video.

- A flash flashed on the screen and a similar school photograph, which was lying in fragments, lit up with a bright flame in the hands of a stocky blond. The caption read: "This is pain."

- Here's a bitch, uses my tricks! This Mouse is from the neighboring department, it is she who leads him, look, dragging attention to herself.

Stan stood dumbfounded in the middle of an old dusty room covered with old blankets, pizza boxes and shabby magazines with beautiful ladies, and suddenly he realized that these walls are a dark spot in which he hides the light of his life.

- Do it! Do everything that depends on you.

The specialist broke into a smile exactly as at the beginning of the meeting:

I'll do my best, don't worry!

*******************************

When Stan opened the apartment, there was a sugary-sweet aroma of vanilla in the air.

- Hello, - a long-legged blonde with long flowing hair appeared from the kitchen. She awkwardly walked to the door - I was sent for re-education. I am Alina, that is, Lina.

- Oh, we already met! The expert clapped his hands. "Click" - "how I meet my beloved." Here is the frame.

- And where...

- Ann?

- Yes, she comes every weekend to me.

- Have you really decided that this slut from the poor hinterland is worthy of you? Look at Lina! Imagine how many bitten elbows you will collect for this beauty. Just imagine how it will be transformed, we will make sponges, trim the nose a little and sharpen the corners. It will be a princess!

- And yet, - Lina responded more boldly, - I left a list on the refrigerator for you, I have a schedule for gifts, check it out. I'm going to do sponges on Wednesday, so wait for the passionate size, - she giggled, - well, I'm waiting for your wishes tomorrow, everything that you have on schedule.

- I'll give you everything, my love, his wishes will also be taken into account, - the bald man winked and grinned, - yes, here's another, Lina is here under the contract, the rules dictate, of course, not only she, but look, everyone is ready to give their lives to to be with such a beauty. She also knows how to cook. We've been conjuring for your arrival.

Stan proceeded to the kitchen and gasped. The dull walls covered with favorite posters have turned into a light, brick pattern. On the table was a tray of sandwiches made from bread and some green spread, a glass of almond skimmed milk, and a couple of chocolates. To them, as to the most familiar of all dishes, a hand reached out.

- Ugh! What's this? - Stan tried to wash down the unpleasant taste in his mouth with milk, but only coughed more.

- You offend! Lina made them with her own hands! The healthiest candies in the world! Chopped fruits with honey. Real jam! And what's the use. Just wait, we will send her to cosmetology and fitness courses. These are now the most popular professions among women of her age! And most importantly, what demand, what activity!

Stan brushed his bangs off his face and proceeded into the bedroom.

- Come on, don't be bored, don't offend Lina. I went, - the specialist clapped his hands and turned to the exit.

- Lina lay on the bed and tried to take a picture of herself. From the heavy sighs after each “clack”, it was clear that she did not like any of the shots, but she did not give up.

Memories flashed back to how a week ago he hugged Anna on this very bed, they sang old songs and drowned in the bitter smoke of cigarettes. Posters from the walls reminded us of more songs to sing, and a half-eaten meatloaf sat on the floor.

- Help me, - Lina squeaked plaintively and threw the phone on the pillow, towards Stan.

He carefully picked up the phone and stared at the screen.

An attractive girl was looking from it in lacy lingerie. She writhed on the bed in bizarre forms, now hugging the blanket, then pulling it, then removing it from her. Desire filled him.

- I think enough. Give me the phone.

As soon as the screen went blank, the girl hunched over the phone in lingerie that could not hide the difference in breast size in proportion of one to two, was no longer so attractive.

Stan went to a full-length mirror standing next to the bed. The phone beeped in the back pocket of his trousers.

“I saw your new passion, come to us with her today”

- "Yes, we'll come"

He looked at the reflection and smiled. A tall guy in a leather jacket, with a ring on his right hand, looked desirable and attractive.

- Hey, there's some old man bawling songs. Oh, oh, go shoot quickly, he crashed!

- I'm coming! - Stan responded and turned on the camera on the phone.

When she approached, Lina crouched down and filmed the old man from different angles. She was wonderful. A girl from his new world, or maybe his old one. All you had to do was hire a person from the Association of Useful People to become yourself.