Walk A Crooked Mile

The Untold Story of Texas Bob Laredo and Stumpy Hollers

Stanley Hollows was a child of the Great Depression. Raised by his maternal grandmother, in the dust bowl of the Texas Pan-Handle, in a one room shack that had a dirt floor, no door, and no glass in the windows.

When Stanley asked his Granny why they didn't live in a nice house like other folks, she told him, 'There ain't no doors in heaven.'

A growing boy can't grow right if he doesn't get the nutrition he needs. The best his Granny could coax out of the parched soil was dandelions. Dandelion tea for breakfast. Dandelion leaves for lunch. Dandelion soup for supper. And if Stanley was ever hungry between meals, there were always more dandelions.

His short legs were an object of ridicule, and it wasn't long before everyone started calling Stanley "Stumpy".

Granny was as thrifty with her affection as she was with her purse, and as crazy as a two dollar watch. But she was all Stanley had. When she couldn't, or wouldn't, buy Stanley a guitar for his birthday, he made his own from a biscuit tin and other bits and pieces found in a junkyard.

The guitar didn't sound right, any more than Stanley looked right, but he could sing. Lord, could that boy sing! He sang in church every Sunday at the Southern United Baptist House of Christ the Redeemer. And had the voice of an angel.

Folks said the Hollows were so poor, even Stanley's hand-me-downs had been somebody else's, and he never owned a pair of shoes in his life.

When Stanley asked his Granny why he didn't have shoes to wear to church, she said, 'There ain't no shoes in heaven. The bless-ed don't need them. They walk around on clouds.'

But then it didn't matter, because when Stanley was singing, people weren't looking at his feet. He sang Peace In The Valley, and May The Circle Be Unbroken, and his heartfelt Were You There (When They Crucified My Lord) caused every soul in the congregation to tremble...

Tremble.

Tremble.

At the age of twelve, Stanley won a talent show at the county fair. First prize was a spot on Hank Holsom's Holy Hour, on a Christian radio station broadcasting out of Abilene, TX.

When his Granny wouldn't pay for a bus ticket, Stanley walked all the way with no shoes, praising the name of Jesus in song, and dreaming of being a star.

"There's a better home a-waiting. In the sky, Lord, in the sky."

The show's host, Hank Holsom, promised Stanley regular appearances. But that never happened.

One night, thinking there must be something better than a crazy old woman and dandelion soup, Stanley wrapped all his worldly possessions in a hand-me-down blue and white polka-dotted handkerchief, picked up his biscuit tin guitar, and ran away from home to join a traveling carnival.

Through the week, Stanley sat in a tent as "The Wild Man Of Borneo", and people paid their two cents to throw peanuts and popcorn at him.

Every morning he knocked on the door of the carnival owner's trailer to ask when he was going to get a chance to sing.

'Soon, Stanley,' was always the answer. 'Real soon.'

In the town of Broderick, Stanley jumped freight and joined the seven piece band at a burlesque theater. Where he started drinking. And fell in love with a tall, blonde exotic dancer by the name of Busty Valentine, whose real name was Misty Pearl. But Stanley was a violent drunk, and Busty left him for a trombone player.

Carrying his biscuit tin guitar, and a broken heart, Stanley drifted from Texas on the east coast, to California on the west coast, and back again. He played in beer joints, and at roadside cafes for the price of a hot meal. He'd bought his first pair of shoes, but they hurt his feet, so he tied the laces together and slung them over a shoulder.

Back in the Lone Star State, he rolled into Laredo like a tumbleweed. And it was there Stanley met Texas Bob.

Texas Bob was a classically trained guitarist, who couldn't find any work for his "fancy pickins".

His real name Moisie Aaron Liebowitz. And he'd been a high school quarterback before dropping out to play at Dance Halls and such.

They sold Bob's 48 Studebaker Champion for the money to make a record at Sun Studio in Memphis Tennessee. The car had cost $1500. They sold it for $300.

'That's cause it were yellow,' said Stumpy.

'What's wrong with yellow?'

'Real men don't drive yellow cars.'

'That's horse-shit,' said Bob, 'n you know it.'

They toured with Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, and Carl Perkins. On the road, Stumpy developed a drug habit, washing everything down with bottle after bottle of straight bourbon.

They set up as song writers in Nashville Tennessee. When they couldn't get anyone to sing their songs, Texas Bob said to Stumpy, 'Why don't you do it?'

The record went to number one on the country charts, with titles like My Ex-wife Came Back (And Burnt My House Down), and A Dog Called Tiddles (He Squats When He Piddles).

They won a Country Music Award, and then a Grammy, for best original song. They performed at the Grand Ole Opry, and toured to sold out performances all over America.

Stumpy spent $2,000 on a pair of crafted, tooled spanish leather cowboy boots. Only to get drunk one night, and wake up in an alley the next morning to find his boots had been stolen.

'Why don't I have shoes for church, Granny?'

'There ain't no shoes in heaven, child.'

They never had another hit song.

They started fighting.

Texas Bob left to buy a watermelon farm in Dripping Springs, 23 miles west of Austin, in the Texas Hill Country.

Back in Nashville, Stumpy recorded an album of duets with Tammy Wynette. But the album was never released after Stumpy was caught trying to cross the Mexican border with his pockets stuffed full of cocaine.

His defense attorney argued the drugs were for personal use, but the Judge wasn't buying it, and sentenced Stumpy to twelve years in the State Penitentiary, with the chance of parole after six.

Released from jail, Stumpy found a job sweeping floors at a bar called The Whistle Stop Ribs N Wings. In the early hours of the morning, after everyone had staggered home, he would sit on stage and sing to an empty room.

Then, one night, he had the none too bright idea of stealing from the cash register. He "borrowed" the bar owner's pick-up truck, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and drunk at the wheel, he was killed in a head on collision with a school bus.

Texas Bob came to Stumpy's funeral. It was just Bob, the Preacher, Stumpy's coffin, and the rain. He was buried with no shoes on.

You don't need shoes when you're walking on clouds.

Texas Bob went back to his watermelon farm.

So ends the true, if tragic, tale of Texas Bob Laredo and Stumpy Hollers.