Water and Oil [TRIGGER WARNING - EVERYTHING]
She is water. She moves with a fluid grace, soundlessly padding along the ground, an apparition and a beauty, a coy smile on her face. She shakes her head and her tresses flow around her weightlessly, suspended in the air, tumbling forever. Men want her. Men need her; if they don't have her for nine consecutive days they will die. They crowd around her, jostling for position, but never dare touch her, lest her evansecent features dissolve at their crude touch. They start forward, but she melts them with a kind smile, and as they slowly collect in a stagnant puddle on the ground they rue the decisions that led them to their current state of unworthiness.
Pushing through the crowd is a restless young maverick intent on trying his luck. Alas, he is oil. His thick hair is slicked back with black tar and bacon grease for that erotic je ne sais quoi. He wears a cowboy hat with an aesthetic that somewhat clashes with his black trench coat, carefully chosen to conceal from the world his pain and poor hygiene. After a long and difficult battle with gum cancer, he resolved to never again chew tobacco. Instead, he swallows it whole. He's a hacker, and life is his computer. He's a daredevil. He's a tempest. He's responsible for the suicides of over a dozen social workers, maternity ward nurses, and nuns. He's a fart wafting in on a cool summer breeze. He drank paint thinner once. His brain is mostly lesions. How the hell does this idiot even survive? What does he eat, other than fucking chew? I've never seen him eat anything else, does his body just get everything he needs from it? I know what's under that trench coat (he's fucking fat) but he doesn't even fucking eat?!? He's a living violation of the first law of thermodynamics! I'm just now being told that he once supplied a local sperm bank with over a liter of spunk from his own personal collection. When the doctors emptied the jar they found a my little pony figurine inside! In their haste to discard the excretions of this worthless slag of human refuse, they accidently spilled it into their main vat! His hydrophobic sperm rose to the top, and he has now fathered over two thousand children across the globe, on par with the great conqueror of history: Genghis Khan! Perhaps this is what compelled Mother Teresa to deepthroat a Colt .45. Humanity is lost!
It is inevitable that water and oil meet, and when they do they inevitably clash. They are diametrically opposed: one polarizing, one covalent. But what filth and promiscuity lurks beneath her pristine and tranquil surface? What sparks of intelligence dance in his lifeless cow eyes? Meet the dynamic crime-fighting duo: Water and Oil!