People seek solace in people, the company of others like them, or those who like them.

When someone has problems at home, they find comfort in the people they meet at school. They talk to hundreds of people each month, at school and outside, forming friendships to fill the gap they have in them, to distract from their problems.

Not me.

I have never made a proper, human connection to someone.

I have never felt the joy in seeing someone, at talking to them, simply being in their company, with the knowledge that they feel the same, that my attachment to them is not entirely one sided.

No one truly has an attachment to me.

I'm either that "crazy" girl, laughing too often, occasionally violent accidentally, the "nerd" who you can copy off in class, or the random brown girl no one likes.

I need to feel needed and I need it more than I let on.

Its not that I don't believe in the concept of friendship to that extent, because I do. I see how close everyone seems to be to at least one person in their life, their popularity, the way they can walk into a room and light up people's faces, the way people search for them, inquire where they are when they're not with them for longer than a few minutes.

Never me.

Why?

Why don't I deserve to have someone, at least one person, who is proud to call me their best friend, who misses me when I'm not there, who wants to spend time with me, who genuinely enjoys my company, by choice, and not "obligation"?