tw: s/h

last night

i searched my bedroom

for something sharp

sharp enough

to hurt, just this once

i want to hurt so i can watch myself heal

and maybe then

it'll feel better

i came across a hair pin

of faux gold

snapped it in two

and ran my fingertip

along its metal teeth

teeth sharp enough to hurt

hair pin against my arm

a dent, maybe, or a scrape

i never once saw red

maybe i am not brave enough

to press down, to not flinch

when my skin gives

to my frustration

confusion

that never seems to clear

shampoo in my eyes

my intrusive thoughts taste like

coconut

but they burn

they BURN