muscle memory

muscle memory drags me down onto my knees, mouth mechanically open like a good girl. my mind can erase your teary-eyed screams for a fucking blowjob, but my shoulders will never forget the blistering pain from a simple maybe later. so i fight the urge to argue and slouch to make myself small because you like obedient good girls. you like holding my chin a little too rough just to stop my trembling. you like pulling my hair a little too tight just to watch strands fall out oh so easily because you like small good girls. my body is whatever you want it to be because it learned a long time ago it'd rather be starving than bruised because no one can know and no one has to know. i needed to lose the weight anyway.