Just what is a hat-wearer hiding from? The sky? The Cosmos?

Probably the Cosmos. If fiery darts rain down upon the hat-wearer, the hat will take the hit first a split second before the rest of the non-hat under it becomes a cinder. If insults are lodged that way, one is only insulting the hat/person, because they are conjoined at the head and head concavity: you are insulting the fashion statement, jaunty it may well be.

If "Follow Me" were to be embroidered upon it, you must first discern whether this is the exact beginning of the Third Testament, the "Newest Testament." Just don't expect miracles, unless the hat is a tophat with its cunicular geometry rendering leporine necromancy. Hat, yes; but sleeves? Anything up them? "Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"

"Again?"

Thus, you follow the head under the hat, which has already chosen the rabbit hole, Lilliputians ready to intercept you on the other side with malintent. Watch your head, because the most unfashionable hat-wearer is one without one. And the person who wears many hats is just lost in confusion. So there.