Micro Journaling Moment: open to the public at 1pm July 20th, 2022

I thought I had covid, but it turns out I'm just exhausted.

Glad I took the day to rest. It's revolutionary to stand up for your right to rest. I have already worked my ass off for this new job. I have given it my all and it gave me an unsafe environment.

During this time, it has been my lesson to recognize that my time as a physical laborer is over. My body demands it.

No more standing over a grill, no more staring downwards at my hands flying to the next movement.

At this latest attempt to prove my worth, I took a standing position washing dishes.

I should be able to do this job, I thought. Every working day since has been spent in enormous physical pain. My ankle, sprained last winter, is not performing like I expected. The left foot, which has seen so much damage, is giving out. Embarrassed, I am facing the prospect of using mobility aids at 33.

There is no shame in using a mobility aid. Not rationally. But society is never rational. And the last time I used a cane I was ridiculed by older women because I didn't "look disabled enough."

Now I am disabled beyond the use of a cane. 8 joints including my neck have been damaged over the course of a decade. Most of the time, I couldn't afford help or time to rest. I had to push on.

Push to today: where I am lying on my couch after calling in sick six hours ago. I'm still exhausted. Still hurts to walk. And I know I'll have to go back tomorrow.

This is reality for son many of us: The poor, the disabled, the addicts. We have to push through instead of rest.

This is how we "fall through the cracks." As if that fanciful phrase were able to convey how it feels to be abandoned by the society you once participated in.

The truth is, I am extremely privileged. I can take this day to rest. I can choose to create.

That this is such a luxury should be addressed.

We are reaching for that better world together, you and I, dear reader.

We're here because words have power. Power to make us feel connected to each other.

The feelings rush over and around the barriers of language and we become united.

I chose to write because I am tired of giving myself to a labor that is not mine. Thank you for reading. Together, we make this art real.