Choices

Prom was 3 weeks away, 

She didn't care.

She wasn't shopping for a prom dress, or flipping through fashion magazines, looking for a trendy hairstyle.

She was hunched over a toilet in the mornings, and fighting to keep her eyes open in class. 

For the past 6 weeks she wandered along, lost as if she was stuck inside a dream. 

She'd wake up, 

 This can't be real!

That boy, the boy who said he loved  her, he disappeared.

Maybe, she will go to the bathroom and what was growing inside of her, would also disappear.

 She will never know if she made the right choice. It was her right, to choose after all, but it was all just a murky dream.

On June 5th, She walked into the clinic alone. Her mother drove her, her mother walked her inside, but no one was trapped inside this horrendous dream, with her. She was an accomplice to a brutal double murder that day, She killed what was growing in the hollowness of her womb, she also killed a piece of herself. She read the signs, the protestors held, she dropped her head, as she moved through. It was all really just a bad dream. The waiting room was crowded, she didn't bother to look into the faces, sitting next to her. She wished she would just disappear, or wake up!

She was called into a cold exam room, everyone and everything was cold, sterile, and void of compassion. The internal ultrasound was performed by a male physician, who lacked kindness. Count backwards from 10, was the last thing she heard, before she woke up, in a recliner chair beside a row of other girls and/or women, some crying, moaning,some hurling into basins.

"Wake up!" She could hear a woman's voice faintly, it seemed so far away, Ignoring her seemed right.

Where I'm I? 

The cramping she felt, was like a knife to the heart, reminding her of her whereabouts.

A piece of her died that day. She'll never know if she made the right choice. 

She never heard from that boy again. He didn't take her to the prom.

He didn't break up with her, he just vanished. She will always wonder if it was the choice, that made him go, or if he would have disappeared either way. She wasn't sorry then, and she isn't sorry now, that he went away, it wasn't love, this she knew. She is glad she isn't tied to him, or is she really just tangled in a web of dark secrets?  A piece of the past, she will never heal from, a piece he will always be apart of. A secret, a burden she will always carry, alone.