I am scared.

It is at this point in my life that I have determined my biggest fault. In my subconscious I have extinguished my hopes. I must be miserable, because happiness is a risk. The tilting scale of the universe will always tip destroying that joy. It is best to remain bitter and tear-stained. I am too afraid to find my happiness because I know too well what it feels like to fail. So I lock myself away. The deadbolt slides in place and I feel safe. Sad but safe. There is no love or good in this place. I have tricked myself into believing that this is better than any illusions of peace.

I am scared it will not get better than this.