this’ll be the novel that kills me

its invaded my head

took up an apartment

and made me pay the rent

word after word is my penance

no free time to be named

i'll work until it breaks me,

until the lake of motivation dries

into fuel for the flame.

i find myself becoming

a shell of who i am

waiting for my own characters to fill me

with their flaws and their regret.

i stay up at night mourning

for things i've never done

because they are starting to become me.

their memories are mine,

their love is my own.

their spotify playlist is what i listen to

whenever i'm alone.

and i find myself singing along

to someone else's heartbreak.

i can feel my own flaws in their voice

their experiences as if they are mine.

and i'm beginning to regret starting this

because it's taking over my mind.

maybe i've finally done it,

maybe this is it.

the next great novel, my biggest hit,

and all i had to give up

was my identity,

exchanging myself for a character

that i don't even like.

this'll be the novel that puts me on the radar,

catapults me into fame.

and this'll be the novel

that kills me

before i ever get the chance

to enjoy its success.