Hector
Hey you! Stop now ! Turn off your radio jingles that you and I both know the Principality of Andorra should reject, and listen up. In this insensitively sensitive day and age, we often wonder why pronouns can't get along, but no one wants the facts. No, we're all happy to live as mezzanines in the age of uncertainty. So sit down, and knock off your screwbean mesquite and tar n' featherin for beginners, because here comes the truth. You see, it all started with the contents in William of Ockham's pockets. William of Ockham was tormented all his life. He was often bullied as a child, which is why many believed he sought refuge in the Catholic Church. Insults were constantly thrown at him "Ye yellow bellied sapsucker", his peers would shout, "Thou art nothing but a half wit product of poor dental hygiene in the Carolingian Dynasty." And so he left, and designed himself a cloak that would make all the others jealous, with pockets so large they made ladies faint and kings cry. And they contained quills, magical quills! And enchanted candles, and lots of powerful mushrooms. This guy had it all! And he wrote. He wrote so much that the magic from the quills soaked into his body. This guy was magical! Anything he wrote people believed. Three Marsupials Too Few, and Riddle Me This?! This shit was more gibberish than the language itself and people read it! They thought it could make them wise. But then he made a mistake. He got bold with his magic and lost it all. He warned the public of a vision he had of an Irish rebellion that would overtake England. This rebellion was bad. England was going to become Irish and no one was doing anything. In his vision he saw leprous leprechauns emerging from the horizons and there were so many. Too many to count. And they were using spinner mops as weapons. No weapon stands a chance against spinner mops. They're powerful. Conjured from dark magic maybe. But spinner mops weren't invented yet, and the people were scared. They came after Ockham and charged him with witchcraft and colluding with the devil. "Thou hath an innocent in thy clutches", he roared, "'Tis the maid! The wretch served me bedeviled eggs! She's the real witch". The crowd wouldn't have it, and Ockham was hanged. He had just enough time for one last bout of vengeance. The old riddling scalawag was in fact a warlock, and he cursed society upon his death, casting the future to an ill-fated fog of gender confusion that would only worsen with time. But fear not, the viscosity of life is far too strong to let the story end here.
With his curse, old Ockham left a clue. As the curse spread across the land, whispers rang through the ears of every man, woman and child. "Hector, the son of Priam's unreasonable fascination with ceiling wax". Those final words were dulled with time as decades turned to centuries, and many forgot. But Ockham spoke true. In a small hardware store in a little town in Australia, there lived a man named Priam. Most people think there's nothing in Australia, and some don't think it exists at all. But they're wrong. That little town is as real as Australia, and it was designed as a decoy to keep the gold mine a secret. The gold has to be hidden from the wild camels. Because everyone knows camels are jerks and they'll steal the gold for themselves. Priam was just a regular guy, undiscovered and alone, and obsessed with ceiling wax. But there's a tragedy behind that obsession. Priam was scarred by the melancholy ending of his family's shingle manufacturing corporation. They didn't use enough ceiling wax and all the shingles fell off. He always warned them not to skimp on the ceiling wax. It just keeps it all together, you know. But they wouldn't listen. Just like how no one listened to William of Ockham. So that's why Hector is hidden. That's the real secret of the goldmine. Priam was aware of the prophecy the whole time, and he knew his son Hector was the chosen one. No one else put it together and that's what made Priam laugh. "This world doesn't deserve salvation, and I won't let them have it." So there's your answer. That's why there's too many genders to keep track of.