Detectives and Murderers

Detective Constable Hansel Kruger hastily shoved a rucksack into the hollow of a moss-covered tree. As he covered all signs of disturbance around the tree Detective Constable Gretel Meyers came from behind in a policewoman’s uniform. She tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a silver wine cup.

“This fell out again,” Gretel said in a British accent.

“Verdammt! Wir brauchen einen neuen Rucksack,” Hansel grunted in his native German.

“English my luv.”

Hansel sighed and reburied the sack.

“Now go wash up. I left your clean uniform out for you by the brook," Gretel said while drying her hands on her dress uniform.

"What is that?” Hansel said in a light British accent.

"What this? It reminds me of me mum!” Gretel replied caressing the red diamond pendant around her neck.

“You took it from the bird?”

“Yeah, just like you took all of her silver.”

“We don’t steal from bodies. What if someone?”

“Recognizes it? I’ll flash’em me badge. Now go wash your bloody hands!"

“You think they’ll stop for a plonk?”

“Of course. It’s 1972 not 1892,” Gretel snaps.

“These farmers don’t own cars or a telly. They live like its 1892.”

“Alright.”

DC Hansel drops his blood-stained uniform into the brook next to Gretel’s. He puts on his clean uniform and returns to Gretel. He smiles when he doesn’t see the pendant. They walked under the humid canopy drinking copious amounts of water. They traveled deeper into the woods as sunlight fell from the elder treetops to the tops of saplings. With their coats tied around their waists and canteen almost empty they were about to give up and camp for the night. Then Gretel caught the scent fresh apple pie. They both ran towards the smell in the dying daylight when they found a tiny cottage made of rock candy. It had a gingerbread door and a lemon drop handle.

“It’s true,” Gretel exclaimed.

The villagers spoke of a rich woman in the woods who baked the best food. Despite their perspiration they threw on their coats. Hansel knocked on the door. An elderly woman answered looking very concerned. She was exactly as the villagers described her. She was old and wrinkly wearing a red and black frock that covered her from neck to ankle.

“Evening luv, I’m DC Kruger and this lovely is DC Meyers from Manchester. We’re looking for a man named Crumb said to have passed this way. Have you seen him?” Hansel asked.

The woman studied the young man for a moment. He was unshaven and had a scar on his face, but his uniform looked well-fitting around his portly frame. Then her gazed fell upon the curvy young woman slightly taller and older. She had a sweet face and alluring smile. Her uniform was form fitting around her bosom and her bare ankles showed. A bright red diamond pendant rested atop her blouse.

“Dear me. What has he done?”

“Robbed and killed the Widow Cook,” Hansel said.

“Oh! We’ll I ain’t seen nothin to tell you truth.”

“Oh. Well seein how’s we’re good coppers we’d still like to ask you questions. You don’t mind,” Hansel said.

“Well, then you better come in.”

The elderly woman served them both a wedge of apple pie on flowery plates with silver forks and stained glasses of cow’s milk. Hansel and Gretel devoured the pie and drank the milk in one gulp.

“My, what good appetites. Don’t they feed you in Manchester?”

“Not like this,” Gretel replied.

“Would you like more pie dear?” The old woman asked.

“Oh yes, please it is so delicious.”

“Just to be sure you haven’t seen Crumb and you live alone?” Hansel asked.

“Yes.”

The old woman grinned and fed them the rest of the apple pie. Then seeing how they were still hungry she gave them a piece of German Chocolate cake and more milk. Gretel ate daintily and wiped her mouth often with the napkin. Hansel seemed to have lost his manners as he shoveled heaps of cake into his mouth managing to get as much icing on his face as in his mouth. The elderly woman wasn’t cross with him. She simply smiled. When Hansel finished eating he finally wiped his face. Gretel pointed to the icing and cake crumbs on his lap. Hansel stood up and brushed off the crumbs, but smeared the icing all over his uniform.

“Oooo, that won’t do,” The elderly woman chuckled. She left the room.

Hansel immediately rushed to the hallway. He smiled at Gretel. Gretel popped up from her chair and quietly opened the cupboards one by one. The cupboards were stocked with baking ingredients, plates, bowls and cups. She couldn’t find silverware or stained glassware like she had heard. Gretel looked back to Hansel and shrugged. She looked in the cupboard drawers and found utensils, but they were hammered metal of no value. Hansel coughed and Gretel sat back down. The elderly woman returned with a pair of pants and a clean shirt for Hansel.

“Here dear. These should fit you until I clean that uniform. You can change in the woodshed DC Kruger and bring in more firewood if you don’t mind. My oven is cooling, and I have to bake more goodies.”

“Thanks, luv,” Hansel replied and went outside.

Hansel changed into the lavender scented clothes. He reentered the cottage with an armful of wood. He dropped the wood and pulled the revolver from his uniform. The elderly woman was seated in his chair hand on her hip. Blood steamed from her hand and formed a pool on the floor below. Gretel was face down with a rolling pin stained with flour and blood next to her head. Hansel pointed the revolver at the old woman.

“You bitch! You bludgeoned a police officer?”

“No dear. I hit someone pretending to be a police officer. I recognized Widow Cook’s pendant. Your girlfriend stabbed me then told me who you really are and what you planned to do.”

Hansel felt Gretel’s neck and kissed her head. Gretel snapped up and groaned.

“And we still are,” Hansel replied.

He helped Gretel wrap his sweaty shirt around her head while keeping his pistol aimed at the old woman. They old woman cackled. Hansel chuckled with knowing.

“We’re the new generation,” Gretel sat up and grunted.

“See, we move around, change our appearance…” Hansel began to add.

“And lie!” The old woman growled.

“We didn’t lie. We were DCs from Manchester until our proclivity for larceny and extreme brutality were discovered. So, we embarked on our true careers,” Hansel rebutted.

The old woman smiled, and her free hand touched her lips.

“That’s why we are here. To take down the best,” Hansel said.

“True, I’ve eaten more children than I can remember. I’ve also eaten adults, mostly politicians and lawyers. I’ve always wanted to eat corrupt police. Their pent up emotions would be an exotic taste I’ve never had. However, there are far fewer corrupt police in the world. I’d given up hope. Then you knocked on my door. I thought I caught myself a couple of thieves. Oh, how delicious you will be.”

“What?” Gretel grunted.

“You won’t be beating me,” the woman added. “I’ve been stabbed before, and I know this is not fatal. I’ll dress this wound when you are asleep. I poisoned you. I haven’t killed adults in so long I wasn’t sure of the dose. So, I made sure it was in everything you ate. You’ll be dead in an hour, probably.”