Water So Blue

I lean against the counter, he was gone.

He was never coming back. We had been stupid, I should have known better. I should have told him not to jump, or maybe checked for rocks, or not have let him come with me…..

But he’s gone now.

They said the moment he hit the water he was dead. That it was quick, painless, that he wouldn’t have felt anything because the shock wouldn’t have faded before he died.

But he screamed before he hit the water. I could still hear the pain echoing through every pitch, shrieking with a sudden realization and terror.

I cover my eyes, I needed to breathe in and out. It was going to be fine. Kaden, my best friend, died last summer. The words freeze in my thoughts… he was really gone. I would have to finish my senior year of high school without seeing his slightly crooked smile, or hear his sarcastic remarks on my plain clothes and always disastrous hair.

But first I would go to her birthday party. I hadn’t been in a pool or lake since that day. I hadn’t hung out with my friends since they buried his body in a casket deep in the ground.

I step outside to the hot sunshine and the noise of shouts of laughter. And splashing-lots and lots of splashing. But I promised her I would be here, and that I would have fun and be the normal “Liz” before the accident.

“Liz!” I turn around right in time to be half-tackled by a small red headed girl in a blue tank top and black athletic shorts.

“Hi?” I wish I could recall her name, but I don’t remember her. I don’t know why she’s hugging me, but her red hair does slightly seem familiar.

She talks so fast, and my mind rather preoccupied with the abundance of water before me, barely captures what she is saying.

Time flies by, minute after minute ticking away. I’ve settled myself in a beach chair secluded in the far corner, away from the deep abyss before me.

I jolt my eyes open as I’m being picked up and carried away from my safe haven.

“Let me down Connor! Let me down!” My voice panics as he threatens to throw me in the water. No! He wouldn’t. I kick and shout until he sets me down, clearly upset that he had freaking me out.

But then I was falling, crashing into the cold water. I felt the impact, I felt the way my body pushed through the hard surface. I screamed, water rushing up my nose and in my mouth. I struggle for the surface, and the moment I reach it I drag myself out of the water.

Who had pushed me? Connor still waded in the water, looking around also for who had done it. When I find her I stare in shock. It was her birthday party all along, Leah, my childhood friend. She looked happy at her accomplishments, and then sad.

“I’m leaving.” My voice is numb.

“Liz wait….” I turn toward her, as if hoping she’d admit it was all an accident.

“I didn’t know you’d be so scared, but you’ve been so distant, you haven’t gotten over Kaden’s death and you’ve left us all.”

I turn away from her. She looks so hurt. More hurt than I feel.

“Liz, I’ll stay in this pool and drown, so I don’t have to watch you leave,” she pauses, “Again.”

“I just…” her voice breaks off, “I just want my best friend back.”

She calls my name several times, but I don’t look back. All I see is the dangerous hue of blue that surrounded me and the words she had said echoing through my mind. And I listen to them, over and over again, until I don’t cry anymore, until all I can feel is nothing.