December 2019

Evan,

Yes!! Evan was his name,

I once thought I was quite lame

until I met him.

December 2019,

That’s the month he blocked me to be with her,

That’s the month everything became a blur,

That’s the month I discovered what real heartbreak feels like,

Despite the fact that he left me with a month's worth of additional words to say,

That was also the happiest month of my life.

The issue is,

Love for him was a gamble,

His demons would sometimes break my ankles,

I occasionally found myself getting choked by his demons,

But until he left, I was unaware of how narcissistic he was.

I used to think he was the one,

You know my real love.

For the first time in my life, I felt what it feels like to be loved with him.

But his demons would always force me to go the the gym,

Insinuating I wasn’t slim like them,

Insinuating I had to be perfect like them,

Insinuating I didn’t deserved to be loved by them.

Although some happy days he would bring me swimming,

I would suddenly find myself drowned by his demons,

They would ask me why I always woke them up.

Still, I never imagined I would be left heartbroken,

Yet I always heard about his achievements as a heartbreaker,

But I wanted to think I was also the one for him,

You know, the one in a million,

Those fairytales.

Because although his demons liked raping games,

I wanted to imagine what it would be like to find a young and healthy love.

For years I believed he was that lifetime treasure,

The one for me,

The love of my life,

But his demons would surprisingly wound me with a knife,

They would ask me to be their wife,

And later on threaten me with a rifle.

That month,

I found myself lucky.

I realized he wasn’t the one for me,

He wasn’t my real love,

He betrayed my faith in him,

Betrayed my trust in him,

And that left me heartbroken,

Completely broken.

For years I was his clown,

For years he wanted me to believe he was cool,

But I’m reality he was just a beautiful poison,

My beautiful poison.