I wonder who I really am

See there’s this demon inside me that I constantly fight with every day. At times I’m too weak so I let it take control of me and I lose myself to it. I don’t feel like myself at all and I’m ashamed to say that I like it. But then it hits me and I realize that I’m going insane. I’m going insane and I don’t want to stop. Sometimes I have these moments where I’ll just cry and cry because I don’t know what to do or say and there are times where I don’t care what happens. “What’s wrong with me?” I sometimes ask myself. Day by day this demon, this monster, continues to grow inside of me. And with each new day I have to make a choice, either I’ll let this demon take control of me or if I’ll be the one in control. It’s a constant battle, something I struggle with every day. My demon grows inside of me like cancer. It’s my brand of heroin and I have to choose if I want to continue taking that hit or not. I’m not perfect and I know I never will be. But I try my best every day to not let the demon inside take control of me. But in a way it’s so easy to just let it take over. I feel nothing, no pain, no fear, NOTHING! Is it sad for me to say this? Yes it is but I’m not denying it. But then I realize that I’m only human. I’m nowhere close to perfect. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life that I could probably write a whole book with the things that I’ve done. There are times when I wish I wasn’t born and I ask God why he brought me into this world. I can’t understand why anyone would want to love someone like me. Someone who is conflicted every day with the choices she makes. I would rather just be left alone so I wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone that I cared and loved. Is it wrong to wish this? I guess it is. But I’m only human right? Neither a priest nor an exorcism can free me of this demon. He is me and I am him, he sucks me dry like a vampire sucks the life out of its prey. Not giving a care in the world if I live or die as long as he has me as his own. Before when I was told that I was damned for life, I didn’t believe it but now that I really think about it is true, I’m damned for life because I am stuck with this demon living inside of me forever; I’m cursed until the day I die. I caged myself in my own personal hell. It’s like if Daedalus created his grand labyrinth just for me and I don’t know how to get out of it. So say your bitter sweet good-byes to me now before it’s too late and I’m lost forever in my own head. The clock is just ticking away waiting for my last breath before death finally takes over me and consumes me whole and then I’ll be gone forever. But don’t mourn for me because it’s all for the better. Call me crazy, insane, psychotic, and stupid but what I say now is what I have come to believe. You may say otherwise by saying I’m an amazing and beautiful girl and blah blah blah but let me ask you this? Do you really know the real me? If you only knew half of the things I’ve done would you still say the same things about me? Would you look at me the same way? Would you tell me that it was never my fault? Would you still love me like you say you do? Would you still call me your friend or lover? No, I doubt you would. Now I have one last question for you: Can you figure who this demon of mine is?