Visions of Dishes

Originally written 12/2015

I can't remember a time when I wasn't in trouble. It seemed I was always given the back hand or the belt because it was just easier to discipline me than my siblings when it came to him. Being told there is no steps in this family didn't mean anything. Clearly I was the floor and my family stepped on me continuously. I always dreamt of better beginnings but felt I would always have that tragic ending.

"This dish is still dirty." he said. As I grabbed the plate from him, he started to pull every dish out of the cabinets and told me to redo my dirty work. It wasn't like I could just pick the dishes up and place them back in the cupboards when his back was turned. Nope, he was there watching me like a hawk ready to catch it's prey for supper. I had to do every dish over again. By the time this is all done, I have to prepare dinner for my family. A mothers task being done by a well experienced chef at 10 years old. My little sister is tugging at my shirt by now, asking what's for dinner. This was the normal routine. The kids knew that if they wanted anything or needed anything I was the person to fulfill that wish. My mother was so self involved in her life that I really think for a moment there, she forgot she had kids.

"Dinner will be done in a little bit, go watch TV." I told my little sister as I was directing her out of the kitchen. I never thought that by age 10 I would be pulling steaks out, tenderizing, spicing, dicing, and broiling. An hour later I had steaks, baked potatoes, and vegetables ready for a family of five. Don't get this confused with Party of Five. This was no party, not in the least. "How was your day, Tina?" he says condescending. "Good." I say quickly with a cringe. I hated family dinners. It was hard enough to prepare the food but to sit in front of a man who was the root of all evil, was sickening. By now, every one has finished their dinner and migrated to the living room. Leaving behind me, as usual, to clean up the plates. As I look down at all the empty plates before me, I can only think of how full my plate was, I grew up fast and there was nothing preventing this.