The Girl On the Bed

I look through the window in the door. A fragile girl is on the bed, dead. Gone for five minutes. The grieving faces of three around, the rest of her family, not in town. She is a girl who could have had a better life. She looks innocent on the small bed, in the small room. But I know her better. She procrastinates. Perhaps, if she had tried, her grades could've been all A's. She's lazy. She's disobedient. She's manipulative. And she's dishonest. And the biggest thing. She made a mistake, which led to another. One which people say it's not her fault, but she knows that it is. The things with the guy should have never ended, they should have never started. She's not as innocent as she makes it sound. I walk out.

"Mili?" I turn around. My brother. I smile. "I love you," I say, not expecting him to say it back. He never says it back. If he's nice he'll say I love you a little bit. "I love you too," he says, and comes and hugs me. "I thought you were dead." I hug him back, I've always loved his rare hugs. I ruffle his hair and step back. "There's something I have to do." I turn and start to leave, repeating the addresses in my head. "But Mom, and Dad." I look back. "I'll be back." I walk. I don't feel a thing. I walk until I'm familiar again with the streets, and I go back to my house. The small city I loathed at once, was much better than the big one. I open the garage and let myself in. It's my house, I remind myself, taking the image of the dead girl out of my head. I can't be dead. I have too many regrets. I go to my room. It's messy, unkept, and untouched. I grab my now broken phone from my desk and my wallet. I call an uber. He comes and drops me off without many words. I look up at the house. I check my phone. It's Wednesday, she's at her mom's. The cars are all there, including hers. I nearly smile. I knock. The first door opens. Sara. "Oh my god, I thought you were dead," she opens the clear door. I see the tears fall as she leans for a hug. "I'm still here, How's Conner?" My usual question. She retracts. "He's fine, his usual," she says nodding. "How are you...?" I shake my head. "I came to say I'm sorry. For the times I wasn't all there, for the times I ignored you, my best friend. You were always there. I love you and Conner together, and I understand that you're not always going to be all there for me either. I'm sorry I was jealous. But you truly are my best friend, and a great one too. I love you, I'm sorry." She then comes forth and says things too, her regrets and decisions. She's sorry too. I then say I have to go, that there's something else I need to do.

I look at the small house. Not eager to go in. The drive over here was a haul. And I'm pretty sure my card is nearly out of money. The door opens. I don't move from my spot on the street. "Mili?" I just stare. Sim. He runs over. "I thought I lost you." He starts for a hug, then retracts, remembering how we ended. "Are you okay?" He doesn't know I'm dead. I shudder at my thoughts. "I'm better now," I reply, unconsciously and nearly smile. What am I doing? Just as he's turning down towards me, I move. "No, this isn't what I came for. I need to speak, and I need you to please listen." "You have my full attention." "I'm sorry from the beginning. I wasn't really that much into you. Later I was into you, but I also don't appreciate what you did. I wasn't ready. And I'm sorry for not trying to stay with you, it just wasn't the time. I'm not in love with you, but I have respect for you, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner." My eyes had wandered, me unable to meet his eyes. I already know the words before they come out of his mouth. "Well that hurt," he says, taking a step back. "I'm glad you were honest." I look up and remember the boy I used to love. If I tried, I know I could still love him. But my life is gone. And I've only ever caused him pain. "I'm sorry for making you believe you had a chance and for breaking up with you 9 times after saying I was committed." He closes his eyes. "It's alright Miliana, I'm just glad you're okay." I nod and turn, happy that the confession is out. I should have done this a long time ago. Back when I was alive. I shake my head and start walking away. “Hug?” I turn around, thinking back to that one time. I smile and lean into him. I’m forgiven. Was that so hard? I shake my head at the fact that I was unable to do this before. Before disappearing from his view, I turn back around and see the boy who thought he would marry me. Months ago, I would have agreed. Weeks ago, I’d deny I ever loved him. Now, I know there’s not a chance. I went back to my house, put my card and phone back. And arrive at the hospital. I call out my brother's name. He’s a few feet ahead of me. He doesn’t turn around. I call out again, fearing I’m too late. Please. No. I‘m gone. The images of laughter, the thoughts of me not being able to see him grow up. My friends. My life. It’s all gone, but my regrets, I have fixed. I sent a text out, explaining everything I’ve ever done wrong. I apologized for giving people the wrong impression of Sim, the wrong impression of me. I’m the one that’s fake. And while I do have peace, and know I am forgiven. I still wish I could go back. And all at once, everything goes blank.