Transgender Battle

I want to first say that i am not transgender and can only guess as to the feelings, but some of this is also the personal feeling of being bisexual. Also this is a rough draft, writing on anger from seeing so many people who discriminate and feel like harassing transgender people. 

My goal is to open up posts for transgender, that T there at the end of the portal name <3 

All i want is to be accepted as a human, not observed as some kind of freak show or alien. Why is my gender any concern to you? You hate me becasue you don't understand me, you don't even want to! 

As i line my lips and eyes, powder my face to your standard of perfection; i live a lie. Every time i put on a dress just so society can judge me as a woman for wearing such clothes; i hate myself.

If i wear shorts i'm a slut, if i expose my skin i'm a whore. You use my clothing as a invitation to harass or touch my body.

If i wear lose close i'm not feminine, if i cover every inch i'm oppressed or frumpy; you use my clothing as an invitation to judge me. 

As a woman there is nothing i can do to please society. if i'm skinny i'm a skinny bitch or anorexic, if i have some padding i'm fat or a cow. You use my exterior to push your opinions and expectations that i can never meet onto me.

But what if i told you that every single time i look in that mirror i want to tear at my flesh? That my breasts and thighs disgust me. What if you knew that i wanted to smash the mirror every single damn time i tried to live up to societies expectations of what a woman should be?

Why do i care about societies expectations? It's a handbook on how to hide who i am because if you're so interested in judging me as woman, you would loath, detest, despise me as a man. I'm a freak show to you but what you don't know is that all those feelings you have about me, i feel them a thousand times worse inside.

I judge myself; why can't i just be normal? Why can't i just look into that mirror and see something i love? 

My secret can never keep forever and soon they figure me out. I'm hit, abused and bashed because i'm not the same as you. Words cut deeper than you think they do and you would rather me bleed and die as a woman than accept me and see me happy as a man. 

Girls are cruel but physically i am one, so when he punches me like he would a man, i go down. They beat me and tell me i'm pathetic for daring to be myself, for daring to be different, for craving to be accepted. 

They beat my physically as society has done emotionally. 

If i were to slash at my wrists or take a bottle of pills, it wouldn't matter to you because there is one less freak in the world. 

If i could die without your concern, why would i live my life to please them? 

Coming out to my parents as no just gay, but crying to them telling them god gave me the wrong body nearly killed me in the ways i hadn't died already. Their confusion is overpowered by love because finally someone understands; someone knows who i truly am and they love me.

They protect me as they support my transition. My mother sheds tears as my long blonde hair is shaved, my dad is awkward as he takes me into the men's section to find the clothing that would make me happy.

They hold my hand as i go and talk about hormones and i cry because finally i don't feel so alone. My sister accepts my change, my brother protects me. 

Now as the years pass and the hormones change my body, i look in the mirror and shed those same tears but for another reason. For the first time i see who i am, i don't want to rip at my skin and i don't want to put a fist into the mirror. 

What i thought would never happen has become a reality; i've finally accepted myself, i'm finally happy and am ready to join the fight to take on society.