As a Friend

Knuckles white on the steering wheel,

Eyes fixed straight ahead.

“I kissed him,” she says,

Examining my profile seated beside her.

Could she see my heart

Leap at my throat,

Hard enough to break the skin?

As her “friend”, I must say something,

Anything really.

Just….speak.

Jaw locked, it won’t unhinge,

Muscles like stone,

Vision blurring,

I pull into the parking lot.

Breaths shallow,

Mouth dry,

I can’t look at her.

I stare out the windshield.

“It was just an experiment.”

She stares at my immovable jaw.

Waiting…

“It meant nothing, I felt nothing.”

She prods me with words.

Heart slowing,

I let my eyes meet hers

Tongue like cotton, I reply:

“That’s okay,

Maybe he’s just not the one.”

I turn my face away,

Opening the car door,

Hiding my relief.

There’s still time,

Yet a little hope

For courage to find

This weak heart of mine.