consent

No, Robin Thicke, you do not “know that I want it” because you have not yet asked me whether or not I do want ‘it’.In fact, for you to assume that I want ‘it’ and then to act upon that assumption, without my consent, would be considered sexual abuse.

There are no ‘blurred lines’ about it.

So, whilst we’re on the topic of sexual abuse, let’s discuss what actions in specific come under that category:

If I were somehow unable to give my consent to have sexual relations with you (e.g. if I were drunk, unconscious, etc.) and you were to touch me inappropriately.

If I were to feel pressured/obligated to have sexual relations with you.

If my body language were to evidently convey the fact that I want you nowhere near me, but you still did.

If you were to threaten me into having sexual relations with you.

Last, but certainly not least, you may be surprised to hear this, but ‘no’ means ‘no’. If I were to decline your offer to have sex with me and you were to still take that as an invitation- that is rape.

Some people see the word ‘no’ as a challenge; don’t be ‘some people’. Do the right thing and watch some Netflix instead. It’s still just as fun without the ‘chill’. If someone refuses to have sex with you firstly, they do not owe you anything, certainly not an explanation and secondly, you shouldn’t try to persuade that person to change their mind. It’s their body and it’s their right to have final say on what happens to it. It is not your place to even attempt to modify that decision. So don’t.

I’m trying to comprehend what’s so confusing about it. Even though sex is such a taboo subject in society I would still expect the concept of consent to be basic knowledge. Consent is understood in every other situation. For example, you would ask someone if you could borrow their pen before taking it, right? Even if they were unable to respond, you wouldn’t just take that pen, right? You would leave the pen alone until the person was in the right mindset to give it to you. You don’t assume that just because they let you burrow it for an hour yesterday that you have an instant claim on that pen because that’s a shitty thing to do.

I’m sure that if you were to have sex with somebody, you would want them to actually enjoy it (well, I hope that’s the case. If it’s not then you should probably seek help). Therefore be sure to ask. Don’t assume that if the other person doesn’t say ‘no’, it’s a yes by default. Silence is not an automatic acceptance.

Here’s a rhyme that could possibly help:

Anything other than a yes is less.

Or alternatively:

if they don’t say yes, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THEM.