Bible Belted (Metaphorically Speaking)

Our educations began early where I am from. There is no point in pretense. As children we were instructed that Truth is the remedy, and so we believe it still. All people are not inherently good, only some of them, usually those raised under the inclination. Evil is a fact. It is all around us, biding it’s time, like a mildew seeking out sickly environments for growth. The certainties of it are in the stories handed down to us by our grandparents and parents, our friends, and our communities; that we must be on the look-out from our earliest ages, and we take those lessons to heart. You seem like a nice sort, your challenge innocent enough, so I am going to teach you as I was taught about the worst of all the evils. Sit straight young one, and listen up. This is no game. Listen as though your life (and afterlife) depends upon what I say, for indeed it does.

There is a parade of evils which circles buzzard-like ’or this land, tacking on dark wings down the Valleys, kiting ’or the Cumberlands, and flushing back through the Deltas to begin all over again. These evils have many names, but the one you need know today is, “The Snake-oil Salesman”. This medicine-show man is ever-so-conniving, opportunistic, greasy; and sooner or later he accosts us all, so look sharp! Caution must be the rule as our paths and his cross. His game is deceit, his trophy a soul. As our years pass we will witness him in many forms, selling varying goods, but his chicanery is always the same. I sense your doubt, but this is no bedtime fable. The Snake-oil salesman is close by right now, his eyes open for the unwary… and he is very, very real!

“You will know him when you see him,“ I was taught. And so I always have. The Snake-oil Salesman is easy to spot. He wears fancy clothes and drives big cars. He shines white teeth and idolatry, and is prone to giving small bits of favor away (when there are fish in the pond, of course), pleasing us poor people ever-so-grandly. But as with any other devil of the gospels it is his forked words that pull us into his game; familiar words used creatively, and given new lives. He sells the same old lies, but in newer ways, enchanting ways, probing our depths with gentle, meaningless words. He reminds us that we are unhappy, and why, and he always hits the mark. We wonder at this intuitiveness, at how he could know us so well, and we listen on. He then gives us reason for our unhappiness, a target for our ire… the iniquitous "scapegoat". The Snake-oil Salesman explains to us how this Scapegoat holds us down, denies our rights, bars our success, all while expertly tickling our vanities against our insecurities. “You are as good as him, aren’t you? Better even? And smarter? And as deserving of everything nice?“ The hollow cadence of The Snake-oil Salesman's words quicken as his revivalist-like excitement grows, their timber rising as he lambasts “those people” (be they preachers, teachers, or governors) who are exploiting us, are using us, are holding us down for their own gain, and for every intent and purpose enslaving us under their money, rules and law. The Snake-oil Saleman warms to this topic, his enthusiasm growing until the penultimate exclamation which orgasmically escapes him of, "Damn those (insert slur here) straight to Hell!" The words flush from his twisted lips in a final howl, dropping him from his inebriated heights and landing him almost tragically back down upon the Good Earth before us in a sad heap.

"But not to worry, folks." Exhausted, The Snake-oil Salesman’s words soften, dripping thick from his lips like honey. "There is a magic elixir,” he says. (There is always an elixir.) “Buy this bottle from me, drink it down quick, and all will be well. Why… look here on the label. It even removes stains!”

The Snake Oil Salesman circles and sells, touting his wares, which could be yours (for a fee); be it bottle, Bible, banknote, or ballot… and we can now add body to the list. It is not until much later that the unwary understands the trick that was played, how the snake-oil cured nothing, but that you are now the proud owner of an empty, vitriolic vial (on long-term loan, of course) at the expense of all that was held-to so dearly before.

But not to worry. Given time Mr. Snake-oil will be around again, changed in appearance and ware’s, but exactly the same (if you know what to look for, that is). And those who do not know what to look for, those without values or purpose? They will stare in again with innocuous eyes and swallow his bitter pill while screaming louder yet at those who miraculously seem happy without it.

Yes, they are sinister tricks. He is sinister. But the apostles of 'ol Scratch teach hard, if necessary lessons. Take heart though, once identified and thwarted the Snake-oil Salesman is never so frightening again! His next time 'round we see easily through his slicked hair and glittering stickpin. This time we can walk straight through his big tent with it's divisive, deflating words, passing by his mirage of silvery arches, golden parachutes and crystal balls to find the greater reward of our own honestly earned achievements, rather than blaming others for our short-falls. It is a novel podium to rest upon, standing upon one’s merit.

It is why we don’t succumb so easily down South. It is why and how we remain red in this blue world. By burdening us with consciouses’, our mothers have raised skeptics. But even we are not immune from deceit. We have been tricked before into believing that we were better, smarter; that we were “right," that we were “favored” above others. But we were not better then, and we are not now. We determine our worths by providing for our own with outward benevolence. Humility gained is a blessing; to be the best that we can be, and to accept what that is as being enough.

We are born unwittingly into this dog-eat-dog world, but can still live and let live. There will always be bigger dogs, more ruthless dogs, more beautiful, and more hypoallergenic dogs. It is easy to feel frail, to crave the protection of the pack. Those big dogs must eat, but their supper needn’t be you. Do not fear them. Know what is right, what is written. Live not by the law of the jungle, but by the law of the land. Stay true to yourself. Stay humble, sharp, and wary when The Snake-oil Salesman comes your way. Ignore the crowd’s voice and listen to your own. Have pillars in your Faith that there are rewards for hard work and goodness. Do that Child, and and you may walk unhindered through this land, no matter who tries to sell you a bill of goods along the way.