Her.

I still see her wherever I look. I can’t do anything without thinking about her. I hear her voice in the music I listen to, I see her face in everyone I look at, I can’t even smoke without her taste returning to me. I’ve been a mess since she left. My friends and her friends have tried to help me move on from her, but I don’t want to move on. I want her back more than anything I’ve ever wanted. I crave her. I need her like I need oxygen, I need her body next to mine moving in perfect harmony, I need to hear her heart beating, slow and in time with my own. The memory of the first time I knew that I truly loved this girl sticks with me like a beautiful cancer. We were together in a car, she was looking out the window watching the people and cars pass us by. She turned to me and I saw the sunlight sparkling in her eyes. I told her how I loved her eyes, and she got so red and showed the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted to be with this girl. Her eyes were always my favorite part of her. They were the same as mine. We had the same hazel eyes that would change to blue or green depending on our mood. I spent hours lost in those eyes, and I never wanted to be found once I was there. Time with her was time away from the world’s problems. With her, I was happy for the first time in a long time. We were perfect for each other. We made each other happy. And our broken pieces fit together. That’s what love is to me. Not trying to find somebody who is perfect, but finding someone who is broken like I am. We’re all a little broken in some way. I’m really broken, and when she found me, I was about to go over the edge again. She saved me. She was my beautiful angel. But even angels are a little broken. And her broken fit perfectly with mine. I walk around the city searching for the girl I know I’ll never find. Even though she is around every corner and everywhere I look, I know that the girl I love is gone forever. She doesn’t love me anymore. When she left, she took my world with her. She was my light, and now I’m left alone with the darkness and everything that lurks within my head. Everything was perfect, until it all went to hell. She left without warning. Without so much as a reason to help me with the pain. My heart broke and hers moved on. I sit alone in my room with a bottle, trying to fill the hole that she left in me. I look at pictures of us. We were so happy. How did it end? I lost the one girl for me. I just hope she’s smiling somewhere. While I sit alone dead inside, she’s out having fun. She doesn’t realize that nobody will ever love her the way I do. No one will care for her like me. No one will show her the beauty of life like I do. My happy is gone forever. She was the only thing keeping me in this world. After years of going around this damned town, fruitlessly searching for the girl that broke my heart, I’ve given up. She’s probably forgotten my name by now, but I remember everything about her. I love her. So this bottle is for the love we shared once, and for the love I now solely possess. After this one, I’m gonna give up for good. I hope she’s happy. That’s all I ever really wanted. I just wish I could’ve been the one making her happy.