Resilient

There's a lot of countries that do not have 911.

What I mean here is in the event of an emergency - you do your best.

I think of this a lot whenever I have anxiety, which might seem counterintuitive, but it actually helps me relax. Because I have a magic number I can dial to summon help, 24/7. Does it matter if they get there in time or I can afford it? Nope.

For a brief period of my life I lived without this magic number. Not only no magic number, but very little safety net whatsoever. We would probably classify it as a third world country; I was in a car accident (van tipped over, jostling everybody inside not wearing seat belts, crawled out the busted windshield after trying not to fall on the people below me) and had to call colleagues to come pick me up from the side of the road at 2 AM. Luckily no injuries; that coulda been harder to handle.

Yet strangely nobody really had anxiety there. Not like here where we stress over paying the rent or making a difference in our career. Those weren't even considerations. You just lived. Like a can getting kicked down the road, life just happened - you didn't have to think about it that hard. It would work out. You asked people for help when you needed it, you did what you had to do, done. There might be a sense of "Gosh, life could be better," whenever you watched the media and saw all those richer countries portraying their cultures and big, shiny homes; but your choices and options were limited so there was no sense of "Man, I'm not making it because I don't have that." You enjoyed what you had and you seized opportunities as they came. So much simpler.

I forget that sometimes as I'm getting older now. I forget that I can actually just sit back and do the bare minimum, and life will keep going. I don't have to think about it or stress about it; I just get up again tomorrow. I can enjoy what I have and seize opportunities as they come. It's not really more complex here it just feels that way sometimes.

I've struggled lately and thought I should try to get some therapy. But, similar to that magic number, I've had trouble getting therapy for most of my life. Would it be nice to have that psych sitting there and helping me out? Sure.

But if it doesn't happen, meh. Life will keep going.

I'll get up again tomorrow.

Eventually, slowly, I'll enjoy what I have.

One day, maybe awhile away, I'll seize an opportunity.

Meanwhile, for now, I just remember my magic number. I remember how nice it feels to have one. And I remind myself that even when I didn't have it, everything worked out okay. Because I can handle life. It doesn't require that much thought.

And maybe somebody else who can't see that needs that psych right now more than me.