Let’s get genuine

I think the best way to move on from a person is to be truthful. And I mean really, deeply truthful. About everything. And accepting of every feeling and thought that comes with it. Listen to the opinions of the very depth of you because your heart will never lie to you. Let this be your guide. Let it burn and soothe you.

I haven't cared about too many people in my life, although I feel inclined to disagree even as I say this. I guess I'm talking about the kind of care that pushes me to actually want a conversation with them, to remember their birthdays, make them playlists and fantasise about being with them forever and other such sappy shit. Those feelings are different for every person but hey, whether platonic or romantic or somewhere in between, this stuff just sort of... Happens. If we could control it better, we'd choose people who were absolutely perfect, control things to the very limit so we know all will be well. At least, that's what I do.

But I've found that at the end of the day, we're all human. We don't know a goddamn thing about a goddamn thing. We pretend we do. Or we look to society and tell ourselves that they must surely have the answer. But no one has a full idea of what they're doing, that's how it was always meant to be.

So when you meet someone. And you give them your heart and for whatever reason, you receive it back in itty little pieces... Allow yourself to grieve what you thought would be your "it". Your special "we'll be together forever and everything will be okay" type of "it" that many of us dream of. Then... Get honest.

And I mean really, dirty-down honest. All those things about them that you never wanted to face because you loved them so much that it didn't matter. That's what the unconditional part of true love means, right? Having conditions is healthy, by the way or we'd all be getting married within weeks of knowing each other or blindly choosing the abusive, red flag sort. We want to truly know the person. And you want them to know you. But things will never be as lovely as they seemed, looking back. And that's what will help you move on.

Accepting that there was good and there was bad. Looking at it genuinely, no judgement. Listening to your own emotions, honouring your feelings. If you want to stop searching for a partner for a while, go ahead. If you want to cut your hair for the fun of it or cry or write a silly song or poem about them or dance out your anger with rock music, be my guest. Just make sure to listen to how your soul feels. The pain will lessen with time. That's one of the few good things time brings with it. Nothing stays the same which sucks for the nicer stuff but is really, really great news when it comes to the shitty parts.

Take some deep breaths. Take some you time. No one knows you better than you do. No one can comfort you or help you heal better, not the greatest Zen masters or psychologists in the world. As a quote by some dude named Robert Tew goes; "trust yourself. You've survived a lot and you'll survive whatever's coming". We all will. Just gotta... Believe it's true, I suppose.

And that's a wrap! Mind you I've never actually been in a relationship myself, don't know if that's surprising or not to each reader but I've gone through "breakups" of my own. The heartwrenching kind that feel too romantic to be platonic and vice versa. That's where the word alterous comes in, I can't think of a better way to describe it for the life of me.

Focus on yourself. You live in your head and everyone else lives in theirs. What goes on in there matters. You matter. You're the most important person you'll ever have in your life because you are gonna be tied to you forever. You will never know anyone more and no one could ever know you more, that make sense? Just gotta give yourself the space to feel it all out... Maybe some day, some piece of this maddening existence will make sense. Maybe some day.