Part One: V. Mother

Death means pain, shock, bewilderment. It was impossible to accept that her daughter took her life.

Why? Jennifer could not believe that Alicia had just stepped out.

Their relationship had always been good and open, and Jennifer was convinced that Alicia would at least have given signals. Mothers have an antenna for that, she told herself.

Accident, what did that mean? How accident, why accident, where? There could never be a reason for Alicia to be even near that lake. Why?

It was almost impossible to find any person of authority who was willing to simply listen to her.

The reactions were all similar: “The reports are clear, there are no indications at all of foul play or anything like that, I understand you’re in pain, please give it time.”

After numerous calls, she had been invited to the police station just once.

There she sat down with a friendly, middle-aged officer for about half an hour, telling him what she thought but she hit a wall. A wall of kindness, of understanding and empathy, but a wall.

“You have to be patient, give yourself time,” Detective Chief Inspector Frank Lewis had said. “I understand you’re devastated, confused. Try not to blame yourself, it was your daughter’s decision, she was a grown woman and her own person. If you wish, I can get you into contact with people who might, you know, guide you through this process. I promise you, even though you will never forget, you will find a way, you will have some sort of closure. You may not think that is possible now, but you will. It just takes time.”

But time did not heal.

All it did was make her pain and frustration grow. About the unwillingness to listen to her, the condescending, almost patronizing phrases, the complete lack of action.

All that friendly advice, she might have accepted it if it were followed by at least some sort of investigation.

She kept calling, every day. When she got Frank Lewis on the line, he would patiently repeat what he had said before and to her plea that her daughter was just not like that, he would reply: “I know, I understand what you’re saying.”

After a while, Frank appeared not to be in most of the time and notes were said to be left on his desk. But her calls were never returned.