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random topics in the year 3000: passover edition!
dear theprosedotcomniks, another edition of the randii are here an it is needless to tell you of the long term damage participating in this heinous crime shall do to your mental health, or your standing within society, yet, if you feel that you must participate in such an atrocity then choose one, two, several, all, or none of the following topics , and write whatever you want in whichever form and post whenever you want (though the expiration date is real, feel free to post later if you want cause nothing really matters. nothing. we stare at the vastness of infinity and know only of the certainty of death and suffering, and tje all too fleeting moments of joy...). well, good, luck. and the topics are: 1) how to grovel to impersonators, who are decidedly superior. 2) forbidden games in the time of ancient egypt. 3) the absence of pyramids in modern architecture. 4) schadenfreude , schnitzels, and shish kebobs, and how to utilize them in your brinkmanship. 5) the contents of the pockets of Aaron,son of Amram. 6) gentiles who try to find the afikomen, and what they can't win. 7) in the desert, you can remember your name, cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. 8) the glaring lack of muse in Wuhan. 9) book sniffing in the age of uncertainty. 10) the strawberries ain't gonna last, bucko. 13) write a letter to Mel Brooks, urging him to direct a sequal to spaceballs. 14) the eleventh and twelfth topic, and what befell those who wrote about them. 15) changing batteries on the listening device. 16) one unbugged room in Moscow later... 17) first we take Manhattan (Nevada), then we take Berlin (Wisconsin). 18) pajorative connotation to cotton candy. 23) the last will and testament of the drowned Pharaoh Ramses. +-+-+-+-+-+++;(;(;+-+-++++(++(+-+-+- in space no one wants to hear you scream. +-+-+-+-+-+-++(+(;(!(!(+(++-+-+-+-+-- i would like to take this opportunity and address the efforts of @estherflowers1 who recently published a series of topics similar to these. similar, perhaps but far better, both in variety, meaning , ending even with a fantastic quote at the end from the musical cannibals! (which was unknown under the rock over here). this challenge comes in a way, to apologize deeply and to provide a stage to throughly grovel, at said author's acheivments. i, and my challenge, are but an unengorged snood in comparison to such exalted magnitudenous excellence.
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GerardDiLeo
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Topic 14

Topics 11 and 12 are topics whose subject matter we dare not specify. That being said, let's get right to them.

Topic 11 was to take an average of three Trumps, divide it by one Clinton, and then determine the logarithm by taking the derivative of Biden and bringing it to the power of George Santos, which of course is an imaginary number. Don't forget to carry the Agnew.

Topic 12 was to adapt the Memoirs of Charles Manson into limericks. (There once was a guy named Charles, Who had Pepper Spray applied to his balls, His expression was one, Of cornholing the Sun, And... Well, you get the idea.)

And, related, was the topic of Topic 14, "The eleventh and twelfth topic, and what befell those who wrote about them," which is already begun with the aforementioned 11's and 12's exploration.

For the supplemental information, i.e., "what befell them (me?)," please take a moment to pray for me:

First, I was forced to write bad shakedown checks to the Italian Heritage and Organized Mime Society.

Then, I was forced to spend the night in a haunted inflatable woman factory.

Next, I had to slap Mike Tyson in his fat, fleshy head and then call him a pussy.

After that, I was required to eat some fried bald eagle, which tasted like a cross between spotted owl and panda.

Then I had to marry one of the Kardashians twice--or marry two of them once--I really couldn't tell the difference.

Then I had to return Clarence Thomas a strand of his pubic hair. Not easy to find any more. Just saying.

Then I had to write the sexual history of the boat, "Monkey Business."

After that, I was forced to sneak into Russia with some candid glossies of Putin engaging in outrageous debaucheries with Ayn Rand.

Then, I had to divide by zero and present the paper to the American Mathematical Society proceedings--oh, yes, and do that with the very pencil I used sticking out of my ass, which I found easier to accomplish than dividing by zero. Which can be done, actually, if you discover the secret of having a pencil up your ass. Everything just seems to fall into place after that. (Sharpen the pencil after, not before.)

Finally, I had walk right up to Nicki Minaj and tell her, in front of some angry, armed rappers, that her ass was not big--in fact, not big at all.

Thanks for the Challenge. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. (#bullshit)

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