Passing Ships

Empathy is a bitch, everyone looks to you like you're their therapist. You're there to decipher their own feelings and play them back to them in a way they can digest. And the hate that spills out from them, the rage, the desperation you take it all in. It's not yours to feel but someone has to. So much has happened to them that it blinds you from feeling your own pain. It's hard to set boundaries when you're a life boat in a sea of drowning people. And they'll cross what lines exist but they're pushing just to see if you push back and so you refrain. Because you know they're looking for the unconditional love they never received as children. It's the least you can do then isn't it, to let them cross an invisible line? After all she's the product of a narcissistic mother that gave everyone else attention but denied her. And it wasn't for lack of trying. Modern-day slavery at it's finest. Now she looks for a similar relationship-a partner that's impossible to please yet somehow she can. But it doesn't exist. It's a lock that was built without a key that fits. Continuously seeking that validation but only from those who don't give it. And so you let her cross the line. You'll make yourself smaller so she can feel like she also shines because maybe that's all she needs this time. But it's never all they need. And slowly you turn it off. They keep coming to you, crossing lines then asking for help and you go through the motions but if you're honest with yourself you no longer give a fuck. So you distance yourself, it's the only option you have left. You know there is no come to Jesus talk that's going to turn this around. And sometimes you lay awake and think and you wonder who you would be if you were them. You find yourself missing their company because now you're feeling your own pain. And then you realize you're no lifeboat at all, just another sinking ship that's ignoring all the holes they need to fix.