A Mom Bottle For Betty Draper

There's a picture of Betty Draper online that shows her closing her eyes, head slightly tilted down, with a cigarette dangling from her lips. Her expression is one of complete defeat, complete frustration, complete disdain. Maybe you know what I'm talking about, and maybe you don't. But we've all left work, or a family event, and wished we had a cigarette.

I identify with Betty Draper. I've been the white girl with everything in the world. We might seem lucky, privileged, but one word does not come to mind. Happiness does not go along with white picket fences, cookie cutter suburban homes, dogs named Buddy. It's a glass cage, with everyone looking in. And somehow, and speaking for Betty Draper, or maybe just myself - it's impossible to see who, at your core, you are inside the glass castle.

I think being happy means having some self-awareness. I'm not sure I have it. What does polite company say? "I'm comfortable" enough to have my needs met. I can buy my needs, and my comforts. But there's a reason they call large bottles of wine "mom bottles." Sometimes - and this is either because of perhaps actually having self-awareness, or maybe just because being privileged comes with a certain monotonous boredom - I find myself staring at the bottom of yet another bottle of red wine, wondering where it, and time, has gone.

The other day I was checking out my items at the grocery store, one of which was a "mom bottle" of wine. The cashier said, "I like this kind of wine! And really, it's only boxed wine where you know you're desperate." What? I thought back to all the money I spend trying to obliterate consciousness, and decide that this cashier, while harsh, is definitely reading the room correctly.

I don't think I'm happy. Do you, after reading this, think I'm happy?

Betty Draper is no hero, but she's not a villain. And maybe she was happy, maybe she wasn't. Is that vague enough? But ultimately, I think, again, that happiness comes down to self-awareness, and with her cigarette dangling from her lips, irritated, I can say for certain that she was aware of her situation, her lot in life.