wasted

I was going to do it. I was always going to do it.

Until I didn't.

When I finally got there, finally, finally got there, I reached for the wires like I had always planned to. Like we had always planned to. But something stopped me. It was miraculous that after all our careful surmising, plotting, planning, agonizing over details, and the action and tension of the actual day, I could just stand there.

But I did. And something stopped me from putting those two wires, two circuits together. Stopped me from preventing the deafening explosion that I knew would occur. The explosion that would blow up the whole plant, with the laboratory attached. I was on the 'good' side until I wasn't.....I simply stopped doing it, completing the final action that was the climax of all our effort. And I left.

Because in that one instant I had switched sides. And everything was wasted. All of our efforts. The bare, smoking landscape-- that was wasted too. But I had a new beginning.

I'm sorry. I regret that everything you did was only to see me desert you.