Asshat

I hate that so many people today think they're automatically absolved from all wrongdoing simply because it's in their nature to be an asshat, as if their primal desires and their conscious choices are inseparable and inevitable, thereby predictable and immediately forgiven. Then, somehow, it's your fault for having done exactly what you should have done, always being faithful to your heart. You're left standing there, naked, wondering if it was the asshat's primal desire which tore the dream apart, or if you were the object of that primal desire and the only one dreaming was you.

Be done with it. Naive may be the perfect word to describe you, but it describes someone who takes chances, strives for greatness, lives generously, loves passionately, and feels deeply. The word on the other side of the coin, however, is not yours to bear. It's the word, Oblivious, reserved for said asshat. It describes someone shallow, counterfeit, and incapable of recognizing what's standing right in front of them.

Some people put women on a pedestal, some put men on a pedestal, some put the relationship on a pedestal. All are doomed as time chips away at the base. Sometimes wisdom and insanity go hand-in-hand, and all you need is a voice of experience confirming that you've made the right choices along the way. So long as you believe them to have been your best choices, although weighted by circumstances, then they are valid regardless of any hypocrisy or even inaccuracy. You did your best, even if you weren't at your best.

Yes, it hurts. Even harder than losing someone who never returned your love is losing the time you spent seeking something that wasn't there. In truth, you held on longer than you should have, pretended too long, swept too much under the rug, swallowed too much pride, made too many excuses--all acts of desperation in order to avoid saying goodbye--but the damage was already done. That brilliant imagination that convinced you that this was the one, is now telling you that you could've done something different, something better--that it was your fault. Stop and think. If you're thinking of how you could have better (or sooner) addressed the damage, that's good. That's wisdom at work. If you're thinking of more clever acts of desperation--more excuses, another lens to filter out the ugly, un-swallowed pride--that's not good. Nothing good comes of that.

Perception is a tainted lens filtering out what others see plainly without the rose-colored glasses lovers wear. They always see the truth long before you do. Eventually, you'll be one of them--one of us--no longer susceptible to your own need to alter reality--to redefine the ugly, to soften the rough edges, to give credit where no credit is due. That word is Jaded. It may feel like a cynical place to be, but it's powerful, tempered, wise. It doesn't turn away from love, it filters out the crap which love is not--the asshats. The flip side of that coin is Honesty. It's the only thing that can win a jaded heart, and leave the abyss behind--nothing more than a memory.