La Conversation Avant La Mort :)

"So... Tell us, stranger. How did you get here?"

"Mm... That's a really interesting question. You mean in life? Or physically? Cos... I don't really have an answer to either to be hone-"

"How did you get here. With me?"

"I was on a walk. I was looking at the clouds. I saw one shaped like an alligator eating a little egg-chick-thing before whatever the fuck happened. Is that the last cloud I'll ever see? That's kinda cool."

"You don't seem frightened."

"Am I supposed to be?"

"Do you think someone's coming to save you? I'm going to kill you in the next five minutes-"

"Hopefully two if I'm annoying."

"...you're really taking all the fun out of this."

"Fine. Look. I was scared when I woke up cos I'm not great at adjusting to new things. But like... I dunno, I've learnt ways of suppressing my emotions as best I can. If you'd been behind me you might've seen my hands twitching cos I didn't want it in my face but nope, you're staring at me. With a... Barney head on. That brings back weird memories. I can't believe my purple dino bestie from childhood is about to murder me. I had literally no friends, this is harsh B, thought we were buds-"

"Stop making a joke of everything!!"

"If I get serious, we'll both get sad. Why are you talking to me anyway? Please don't torture me before you kill me, just put that gun to use. And not the way Fight Club movie-and-not-the-book did it. Make it a clean swipe, yeah? I don't want anymore pain. Oh, yeah... No more periods when you're dead. Send me to the ground homie."

"...your generation is so unstable. It makes my fun so... Not fun. Maybe I should start hurting you all."

"I mean, sure? That doesn't sound very nice but I can't exactly stop you. Sorta tied up and about to be an expired can of blood and meat, here. Not that you needed to. I'm not stupid enough to try to run. Or smart enough. I'm not sure which is the right option since we only just met and I've never been kidnapped before. Ooh, have you been stalking me for weeks for this kill? Secretly in love with and or obsessed with me?"

"Nah, I just-"

"Saw me on a walk and went "fuck it, why not?" aka my entire life philosophy. I won't lie to you... That's a little disappointing. But for my life, it does sound about right, so-stranger. I think my heart is clenching up, as it sometimes do. I'm gonna have a panic attack, maybe. That's embarrassing. Or something breathing-related since there is no air here at all. Not even ac, shit. Do me a favour and don't look at me if I get all twitchy and moan about my heart-chest-area. I don't wanna be more embarrassed than I already am."

"Forget all that. You're about to die."

"...is this like in Fight Club where the guy only does the gun thing so the other guy goes be a vet? Cos if it is... I don't know if I have any really cool goals. I always kinda wanted a cat but money and shit. I always wanted to kiss and date a girl but like... Life is hard and I'm not great with people, anyway."

"Those sound like excuses. Also, stop with the Fight Club references! You are going! To fucking! Die!"

"Interesting. Okay. I believe you. Heart is still pounding but she'll hopefully shut the fuck up eventually so I can be fully present. I think my soul is trying to pull away from my body so I don't have to properly go through this but I do wanna be here, buddy, I promise you that. Buddy... What are your pronouns?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Okay... I'll just stick to gender-neutral shit. Speaking of gender-neutral, do me a favour? When you kill me... I know you won't send a note explaining stuff to my family. That's a little over-nice for a killer- not to presume anything about you without knowing you! That was sort of mean of me, Barney-bee, I'm sorry. Okay. I'd ask you to burn me and release my shit into the air but fuck that, Nature and the worms underground got to be fed. But what you can do is not take me back to them. I'm sorta glad I don't have to die where they know I am. That way, I don't have to have a Christian funeral and be buried in clothes I probably won't like, surrounded by people who didn't give a single fuck about me. I've been to the funerals my family has. Lost grandparents and all, half of which mattered, half of which kinda don't. Anyway... I don't like the way my fam does funerals. So... Since I'm about to die, thanks for fulfilling this last wish, purple dino. I get to be myself in my last moments. Afraid and free all at once. Like I always was. At least the chains feel a little lifted now that I'm... Literally tied up. I am the weirdest fucker I know."

"Fucking hate this hobby, now. You suicidal bunch of assholes."

"Oh... I wouldn't call myself that. I am totally an asshole; part of me anyways. Suicidal though? I dunno. I never did get that therapy, which means no fancy words and acronymbbreviationwhatevers to describe my mental state. Guess I don't need any of that where I'm going. Heh, heh? Laugh with me friendo! You're the last person I'll ever meet!"

"Fine... You're a little funny."

"Gasp. That's so sweet. I bet you're kinda attractive under that mask. Not in a let's-sleep-together way ewwie I don't know you don't touch me or I will not hesitate to injure you. More in a let's be besties and cuddle way. Is this the part where we do a one-eighty Stockholm Syndrome Beauty and the Beast style and fall in love??"

"No more fucking talk, kid. Now... Say your final words and get ready to be nothing."

"I totally get why you'd want this kind of power. But it's also a little mean, not gonna lie. Not everyone would be as calm and panicked as I am babes. Anyway... Last words, last words... Shoutout to probably at least a little pretty random stranger for being "the one". I'd always hoped my death would be sudden and... Soon but they were nice enough to gimme room for reflection. Wait, wait- is there a deadline for this or...? It's not that I want someone to find me, I hate ruined plans and I wouldn't do that to you, love but like... Last words are such a big deal you know?"

"I haven't got all night, dammit."

"Okay, okay. Be nice. I hope you're smiling under there, must've taken a lot for you to go against societal norms and expectations to murder somebody- I don't even know if I'm your first but either way, you've been handling this really nice. Last words, last words... Okay. Thanks for the opportunity by the way. It's been - in many, many ways - a shitshow. However. I liked some of the music you living beings have in stock. And the food could be nice when it didn't turn my stomach into a war zone. And people could be cruel... But they could also be kind? Also I had the best time watching stuff and reading stuff and being a simp and once in a while, I'd have this random day where I felt truly alive. Maybe cos of breeze or a violent rainstorm or a song or shitty ballet dance or self-squishy-loveydove softness. So... Thank you-ish? But also no thank you. Here's to hoping I get a rest now, please do not send me back cosmos. Hit it, best friend!"

*POW PEW*