I Did This for a Pokemon

And now I'm in a police precinct eight months later for...

Oh yeah. Supposedly defrauding and exploiting four-- no wait it was one hundred and four people now. I mean, if one could even call the 'cult' our fault anymore.

So, it started like this.

"On the night when a moon, the moon up there or Pinky's was full-- whaaaat?"

Okay. Okay.

I had to get used to the fact that cops usually had these hang-ups about being 'respected' and 'minded.' Like I was so gracious as to not bark and bite when dragged outside at eight in the morning. Geez. I wonder if even Bailey was of passion for-lorn to get me off that kind of high horse. What a heartless tomorrow awaited.

Until...

"He asked me to go to the cemetery with him 2:48 on the letter or ugh you know. You know," I said genial and truly, truly confident in this man's comprehension skills. "I dunno said some thing about haunted dirt. Shadows of dreams that one. No, no I'm serious this time. I mean he's not like, formally an occult freak or anything my guess is he watched too many horror movies or felt the apartment could use a poltergeist rather than the menace of society he is. But I mean good luck getting anything to stick. All that money, the ever-shining tireless wings of the justice system'll have their silent plea banished!"

"Just the facts."

"I know, I know. Can I get an eval. Sometimes, I do think I'm crazy."

That man I had to admit had the finest deadpan I'd ever seen. Discipline amazing as I'm sure his physicality must-- AND that IS WHERE I drAW the LIne!

"So I honestly went along hoping to tire myself out because it was well, three in the morning at that point. Call it some youth's youthful bravado but when we saw the grave robbers and I mean that very, very literally!"

"Yeah see, you get it!"

"Messed UP!"

"Like I said a rational person would gotten the f*ck out of the hood, but not Bailey. Oh no. And the stout one's whinging made me miss out on a Tirtouga! TIRTOUGA! I mean I'm just saying, that's why I went along with what happened next."

"And what was that?"

"Hmm, let me," I put a finger to my chin-- genuinely thinking-- only for the officer to sigh like he could hardly tolerate me at that point.

And to be honest, it was a little fair.

Either way I did need a moment because it'd been just a bit more than one heartless tomorrow thank you. What did that certain phrase mean? Where had I heard it?

Oh well.

"Right so, this is where it gets stupid. See, Bailey had this idea to scare them witless which for me; was hilarious, and for him, would get them to leave as well as getting a lead onto juust what their operation was. I had to be the shirtless, ethereal ghost of the pond and he was the mad cultist; the only mad cultist mind you. And it worked, then he wanted to take this shroud they used for some of the bodies. Yikes, still draw the line there but, he took it anyway. Anyway, we mostly followed the car tracks on foot which lucky us, made for an accessible second hit of a China shop. They were already inside so we'd planned to turn over the back of their van; breaking and looting all the stolen shit we could.

"Soooo, the back was painted all blood red and we threw stuff all around from behind, not gonna lie, that was epic, but by that point I wanted a drink which is how it didn't end from there and I ended up in the back of a car. So anyway, not sure how Bailey got that college girl from Malt Tech to help us or even believe in our shit but here we are now, so they drove to the pier, Bailey'd nabbed the right checklist to know where the stuff was all headed for sorting and later distribution and laundering. Now the four other run-ins with a three or so hundred pound semi I have to assume was them until they hit jackpot. I got the young ones there in on the con, I mean relatively young obviously so we made it out to be a ghost ready to kill and our demonic prayer circle, turned the whole ring on their leader. By then it was practically class time, if it weren't a weekend so we cut our losses, ready to go back home. Pretend like it all never happened. I swear."

So why didn't it?

"Alright so our new "followers" were ready to believe some demonic power is why that whole plan worked and frankly the after part made me wonder a bit too. So, while we were getting on home we find ourselves manhandled into a costume shop and barber with all of it paid for. And I got a breakfast and drink so at that point I didn't complain."

Look, "we really just wanted to dick around for food and other essentials. That's. It. They never had to kill themselves, never had to steal, never anything."