The Adventures of Geo Beane: Day One of Renovations

"Come here girl!"

I knew it wasn't what he meant but I jumped onto his lap anyway.

"Mrrrrh..." I said, bending down and turning my head, flirtatiously.

He raised one eyebrow, then the other, and I was sure his crusty heart was just melting away, so I bulged out my eyes further and nuzzled myself closer to his knees.

"Geo..." he said sternly. That's what he calls me, Geo Beane. I've no idea why, but I am the cutest Pomeranian you've ever seen, so maybe Bean makes sense.

I call my human Humphrey. Humphrey Being. Just kidding. It's something else altogether. Yet ever since I picked him out at the pound it's what has stuck with me, Humphrey. ....He had looked through that grate at me and said, "Humph." That's all. He barely cracked a smile, though I pranced around on tippy toe, showing one good side, then the other good side; smiling my most Lolly gaggle winning grin.

I don't think he ever contemplated man's best friend as a dog this small. But before he knew it, there we were riding in the front seat with a pretty new pink collar, and my nose pressed against the warmth of his thigh.

"Geo Beane. We have work to do today," he reminded.

I knew it. He was building us a new house today. Aha... Actually, he had closed on a property, a real fixer upper and it was roll up your sleeves and assess the damages day.

"It's day One of our Renovations, Beanieboo," he said firmly, "And you know what that means."

"...mrrrrrh..?"

"Investigations!"

That had me thoroughly interested. I quickly wiggled myself under his muscley arm and was whisked away on the errand, tongue hanging. As soon as we got out of the car and he had unlocked the double locks on the front door, I anxiously squirmed my little peaches and cream self to be let loose!! My schnoz wiggled left and right on autopilot across the tile floor of what was most definitely the eat-in kitchen.

"Rrrgh!" I gave out a little bark at a tumble weed of fluff. Up flew the remnants of what must have been one hairy beast of an Old English German Shepard. Clearly the humans didn't bother to bath or brush the Chappie. Nor clean up before moving out.

"SnSnffsnff..." ...the former residents were also obviously adamant consumers of The Ramen Noodle. Stiff bits were scattered under the fridge, and around the microwave along with a dusty silver square packet of Ready Set Soy Sauce. "Aaaapppchoo!! Arrugh.!" I wheezed.

The dust in this place was archaic. Humphrey was on it; busily making amends, maneuvering the Shark Navigator like a Pro, and building up a wonderfully smelly sweat.

"Good thing there are three air conditioners left over in here, Sweetie" he said reassuringly to himself as I wagged my tail in appreciation, running around the upright vac and in between his legs.

"I swear there is dirt here that I am pulling up from the 1970's!" he huffed, switching accessories on the hose to get a deeper clean along the crevices of the wall. ...Gee 1970, that's well before my time. I'm all ears though when he starts to hum a familiar tune to the drone of the vacuum suction:

I know just how to whisper,

and I know just how to cry;

I know just where to find the answers;

and I know just how to lie.

I know just how to fake it,

and I know just how to scheme;

I know just when to face the truth,

and then I know just when to dream...

Next, Humphrey and I are down on paws and knees. Having vacuumed the pile, he pulled back the rug, and the carpet pad, with a frown. I grabbed a corner in my jaws and pulled fiercely, left and right, against our common Enemy.

Humphrey had been adamant during our house hunt: "No Carpet Geo Beane!!" But this place seemed so good in every other respect that he had relented, hoping for the best beneath the surface. Now, Humphrey was cussing, and I saw him shake his head, slowly, very displeased.

"No wood floors under here Geo. This won't be easy. We need to think of Alternatives."

"Whm..?" I twisted my head, in puzzlement. I thought we were having fun and making great progress, but Humphrey, I could sense, was worried. So, I sat down nearby on all fours, to not give him any extra grief, while he took a drink from a can of bubly water and put out a cool clear bowl for me. He needed a moment to think.

"Let's check out the paint stripper on the green paint," he finally decided, abandoning the rug, and taking a brush and plastic bottle of strange orange goop to the upstairs bedrooms where the beautiful wooden window frames were flaking with what Humphrey had called "viridian green" paint chips. Humphrey applied the stripper methodically, while I sniffed around. I discovered a scrapper in the third bedroom closet that smelled like the wall paint (and spackle) and brought it back to him, very proud my find.

"Goooood girl," he said appreciatively whistling, "What a smart dog!'

He took away my chew toy, but I let go willingly, because he scratched me under the ear and chin so affectionately, with his other hand, and it made him quite happy. A few minutes later I watched curiously as he scrapped the window frame with the thing, and some of the goop and a layer of slimy paint came up, revealing a very bright layer beneath the dark. He scrapped some more and then we saw that there was also a layer of midtone ("powder blue," Humphrey declared) under the white.

"Alright," he resigned with a sigh. "We made our test. We'll see how it goes after soaking overnight. Now to the front tile."

I ran down the stairs, and did a few circles around my tail, while Humphrey walked down doing some stretches of his own. The staircase is magnificent. Humphrey said so. It has black treads with green painted beneath the non-slip patches and what seems to be the original solid wood banister complete with carved flower post at the end. The landing is a lovely floral motif tile, in perfect balance as to be ornate but not gaudy.

The bottom floor, though, is a worn out broken brown vinyl tile. Humphrey dropped down to his hands and knees and began chipping away at the lost parts. As the loosened pieces began to fly, I yapped and corralled them into a neat little heap, "Rarrah! Rahr! rah!"

"Alright, girl. We did a good job. That's all for today," he said holding out his hands to me. I jumped into his grasp and planted some sloppy doggie lover kisses on his chin.

"That's enough, that's enough," he said pleased. Then securing me under one arm, he jangled through his keys, and locked up.

"We'll see what we can do tomorrow, Beanieboo."