Falling

It’s as though I can see, but there is a lenses that covers the good in the world and everything is dull and colorless. My body is saying it will carry me, but in the most basic form. Everything is in slow motion. My thoughts are masked with a dark sludge of tar that drags me further down the abysses that seems like the place of no return. I’m trying to grasp onto the rope of hope but my hands keep slipping and farther and farther I fall. Maybe deep down I want to miss the rope, but maybe thats the dark side that wants me to think that. Depression can be a dark place, but it can also feel like a false safe space in a way. You are numbed by everything and nothing matters, you can seclude yourself and be in your own world. But this absorbs you, this takes over you, you don’t want this but you feel like you have no choice. You ask yourself why do I feel like this, what the fuck is wrong with me, when will this end. Maybe I’m vitamin deficient or maybe it is a chemical imbalence, you start googling for answers, but you find yourself down a reddit quora rabbit hole of hearing about others struggles, and maybe thats what I’m doing here now too.