One in a Million

I want a character that decimates themselves on the regular. Someone who hangs out with the wrong crowd, family issues like dynamite, exploding with the slightest amount of stimulation. I want a character that knows how it feels to be told they aren't enough and takes the midnight train just to feel the rush.

I want a character that's real, raw, too much. Reacting inappropriately to trauma. Smoking cigarettes in the "no smoking" section. Reading and internalizing drama.

There's an unpopular book out there, called "A Million Little Pieces." In it, the protagonist details the reality of overcoming drug and alcohol addiction. The language is terse; the writing does not use quotation marks (for the most part), and makes the reader (at least me) feel disconnected from the main character.

But that's exactly how the protagonist wants you to feel.

Like he doesn't care what you think about him. But he DOES.

He's struggling to come to terms with the fact that he matters.

Character flaws are an important part of any character. It makes them human. I like the ones that are seemingly awful people, reach for a bottle of alcohol when the going gets tough, laughs at other people to cover up their feelings about themselves.

Covering it up with terse language, self-hatred.

The best part is when they get better - and that's what I read for, ultimately. The recovery, the graduation, the marriage. It's satisfying to know that in the real world, I could hypothetically aim for those things, too.

I want damaged because that's how I feel and I want to relate to a character.

I want to see them grow, get better, make the most of god awful situations.