Suffocate

I've thought long on my legacy of who I want to turn out to be having my name spoken in circles where I myself could be a token of their ambition and this has led to a condition of the aforementioned ambition which is at times suffocating and perhaps debilitating as the anxiety sets in and I wonder who is thinking and what they are thinking and when they are thinking and when I think about their thinking I deflect my anxiety with a stupid joke but in reality I feel like I might choke as I continue to laugh at everything else which is not a reflection but more of a deflection of the deepening suspension of my mind as the thoughts set in of how I carry myself and though maybe branded an idiot I always remain complicit as someone who likes to think my work can speak for itself beyond the imaginings of myself in someone else but there I go again thinking about legacy I see the tentacles of worry pulling me deep into the identical stream of my conscience that tells me people do in fact hate me or at the very least neglect me and that I am more of a burden to many and my humour and work can only go so far before they are kicked to the gutter by others even the ones closest to me so I tell myself I need more faith in humanity and that people cannot be so petty so as to disregard me entirely based on my personality or something I said but still these thoughts infiltrate my head again and again and again no matter how good the day has been and the only thing that seems to work before I sleep or wake up is the consistent reminder to step back and, breathe. To breathe. 

Go again. From the top.