Late-Night Spiral
Would you catch me in a freefall
Could I feel you reaching, trying to pull me back
Is this alienation I feel a fictitious figment of my own fucked-up mind?
The dark covers me like a weighted blanket
Making it harder to breathe or see anything
A haze of grey buries me
Do you hate me?
Will you leave me?
I'm not strong enough this time
The weight of it all becomes too much as I try to reach out for a hand to hold
But how will you know to grab it when all this time
You've been right beside me; doom-scrolling on your phone and reading "essential" articles that are more important than
saving me from my bipolar self
I just need you to hold me
It's my own fault really
All I want to do is scream LOOK AT ME
But instead I just give you a kiss on the cheek
Give you a smile
Turn over
And fall
further
and further
into my own disillusionment
I pop
Melatonin
Gravol
Benadryl
Acetaminophen
Whatever it takes to fall asleep
So I can stop ruminating on whether my impending death will be the end
or the beginning..