Trigger

Triggers and spirals go hand in hand.

Like Daytime and Nighttime, can't have one without the other.

Triggers are in your face all day everyday.

Some are a dud, while others blow your world to pieces.

Like watching a favorite TV show and there is the death of a child, triggered.

Spiral takes the led.

Next thing you know you spend hours, days, weeks obsessing about where the child predators are.

How many assaults' happen every year?

Where are all the sex offenders in my 1 mile radius.

How do I know my kids are safe?

I obsess over the fact that in 1970 there were 3.6 billion of people on earth and the number is higher than 8 billion people in the year 2023.

How many are pedophiles?

Growing up it felt like I was constantly surrounded by men who liked to touch little girls.

There was only 3.6 billion people then. Minus the Children, Minus the Women.

8 billion people today. How am I supposed to protect my two daughters?

My Grandmother used to nail the doors and windows shut every evening.

As soon as the sun went down I knew to be inside and grab the hammer.

I happily hammered the nails firmly into the windows and blocking the doors.

This was my bedtime routine. No brushing my hair, no brushing my teeth even.

We just hammered the windows and doors shut nightly to be protected, From what? I was never aware. Most of my own predators were already inside.

This was just life for me up until the age of 5.

I figured out quickly why my grandmother nailed the windows and doors shut.

My mothers new friends were very nice to me but then they started to crawl into my twin sized bed on occasion.

I would lay in bed at night terrified.

I remember always being so scared.

Scared of being alone. Scared of not being alone. Scared of who was waiting in the dark.

I am in my thirties now.

I still scream every time I am woken up.