By Emma Mith

Dear diary,

According to Siri, your ears never stop growing. That means while I’m writing this sentence my ears are growing. While Grady is tending the orchids his ears are growing. While Ms. Peony is slowly lifting the bread off the rack in the bakery, her ears are growing. While our next door neighbor Judy is grumbling under her breath her ears are growing. Actually I take that back. I don’t think “Judy’s” ears are growing because I don’t think she’s a human. She’s basically a witch but she despises cats and wears a colorful cardigan instead of those hideous black gowns. I know she probably has a magic wand somewhere hidden in a closet. I just know it.

I wonder when I turn ninety if my ears still grow bigger because just looking at Ms. Peony I doubt that she can hear anything even if I scream at her through a megaphone. Maybe you start to lose hearing when you get into your nineties because logically the larger your ears the better you can hear. When I turn ninety I hope my ears still work fine because I would LOVE to be able to hear about every single scheme Judy’s planning with her fellow witch crew. I mean don’t witches live an extra 90 or 100 years so I doubt she’ll be dead by the time I hit ninety. Unless she’s not actually a witch but let's not talk about that. I mean I’m twenty-three and Judy’s like sixty or something rather. So by the time I’m ninety she’ll be around a hundred-and-twenty so I’ll still have time. I don’t actually know what old Judy is because Judy says that if she tells me “bad spirits' ' will come. I also suck at math especially adding so I’m probably wrong but whatever. I’m probably making too big of a deal over ages and numbers.

Emma

Dear diary,

What do you think witches do when they have a witch meeting? They probably talk about who they're going to kill next, how to kill them, when to kill them, where they kill them and more. I mean being a witch is pretty boring. You’ve got to act like a sweet old grandmother who misses their grandchildren a lot but secretly your ambition is just to kill humans and break them into tiny pieces. I also wonder where witches have their witch meetings. I mean you can’t have it in your house because that's not private enough. I also know that you probably can’t book a reservation at a restaurant for 2 am unless it's a restaurant like McDonald which I think is a huge no-no for witches.

I saw Judy today sitting on her front porch reading a book called Heidi which is a book about a girl who grows to be a happy girl and loves nature. I mean the only nature I think witches like is human nature. Judy always gives me those chills down my spine and that smile that looks as if engraved to her face is sick. I’m literally about to puke. She probably hid another book behind the book Heidi because I could never see a witch learning about such kindness and playfulness that Heidi possesses. Anyway I told my husband John about Judy and Hey! Their names kind of match. Regardless, He said that I should take some strawberries to get to know Judy better. Johns is an optimist and he’s always telling me not to worry but we all know that Judy is nothing better than a foul, ugly looking creature. Pathetic. Tomorrow John and I are taking over strawberries freshly from the garden of our cousin Dann who is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. The complete opposite of Jarring Judy. Anyway I hope I don’t get killed in her lair of misfortune.

Wish me luck

Emma

Dear diary,

Never say never is what my husband always says. If someone offers to take you Antartica with shelter, water or food, my husband's answer would always be yes. Today we experienced just that but we surprisingly came out alive and there were no ice bergs. I'm starting to question my logic and I’m wondering if Judy is actually a witch because after my thorough examination I found nothing witchy about her except her creepy smile. Never judge a book by its cover. I guess.

Anyway so we walked up to her driveway and here she is again reading Heidi on her front porch with her legs crossed. I gulped and we carefully walked up to her while she pretended that she couldn’t hear us even though we were making a lot of noise in the driveway stepping on gravel.

“Ah, Emma and John, great to meet you.” Judy laughed as if she hadn’t just seen us. I immediately wanted to go but John was persistent.

“ Great to see you too. We bought some strawberries for you. They're fresh from our friend, Dan's garden. Amazing guy. How are you?” My husband asked as he placed a fake smile on his face that mirrored Judy’s smile. He quickly set down the strawberries on the empty seat

“Not good. My doctor diagnosed me with skin cancer so I have a surgery on Tuesday. I hope that goes well. Thank you again.” Judy announced in a strangely pompous voice. Her skin was sallow and truthfully she did look like she had a severe condition of skin cancer. I was very curious as to why she sounded so proud. I did feel a tiny bit sorry and I could tell so was my husband.

“Well I know that John has work next Tuesday but I am completely free on Tuesday. I could come to your appointment with you that way if you need extra help getting home I can assist.”

I surprisingly offered. I was quite shocked that those words had rolled out of my mouth but I held my mouth shut and smiled widely. Every second that passed seemed to feel like forever.

“Thank you so much. I would love for you to come. Please come in and enjoy lunch with me.” I was having second thoughts. Having lunch with a witch could be deadly. I was positive she was a witch. I just wasn’t sure. After a lot of thought I went in hoping to be able to leave any second. I took a last look at the strawberries to see a brown dot. Since I didn’t bring my glasses I suspected it was a bug so I immediately went over to check before my husband rushed me in the house and went to fix the strawberries. I was so nervous to have lunch with a witch. I mean how often does this actually happen. So—

Sorry John needs me to help make dinner. Tell you the rest later.

Emma

Dear Diary,

Anyway, I went inside and all that could reach my nose was the foul smell of rotten eggs. I looked around to see plain green paint carelessly spread on the walls. The green was a horrible vivid green that made me want to faint. Apart from the surprisingly fluorescent walls everything else seemed to be granny-like. I mean there was one of those tall, big, ancient clock-things. The plates seemed prehistoric and there was no air conditioning. When it’s 97 degrees Fahrenheit all I want to do is be able to have a nice lunch with the air conditioning ON. Anyway Judy sure did take a long time getting to the dinner table. I sat patiently while I watched John be a gentleman and help out with the bowls. I then gasped out loud in frustration to see a huge dollop of soup being served into the 3 plastic bowls. I carefully grabbed mine and winced. I did not need this to happen to me. This was pure torture. I watched John sit down and immediately swallow what looked like a distressing concoction. Grimacing, I pushed down a liquid form of zucchini and ice cream. Although I hated the food, I did feel astonished to find that I wasn’t dead or in any need of medication. My husband who seemed also quite shocked played along and complemented Judy’s cooking.

Judy started a lame conversation with my husband about the weather while I looked around. There was no magic wand, no evidence of a murder, no cats. I started to suspect myself of hallucinating when I thought of something. Maybe Judy had used her witchy-powers to predict that we were coming over today so she had hid the evidence in a room upstairs. I immediately cut through their animated conversation to question.

“ So Judy, you live here alone right?” I asked in a way that showed I wanted a detailed answer. I glanced up to see her smile fade the smallest bit.

“Yes darling. Oh how sssscrumptious you look tonight. I could just eat you.” Judy answered in a very hypnotizing way. I watched Judy get up and look for some sort of rushed manner. That’s when it hit me. Judy wasn’t joking about what she had said. Did she really want to eat me? Was she a vampire? I needed more evidence before I could place an accusation.

“ Thank You! Do you think I could look around your house? I would love to be able to see the view from the balcony.” I replied insistently to make sure she understood. I knew she was making mischief and I wanted to be the one to catch it. There would be nothing I could accuse her for that was in the kitchen I needed to see more.

“I would love to invite you for a tour but unfortunately I have a counsel meeting to run off to now so I must leave otherwise I’ll be late.” Judy yelled in a way that let me know that it was the end of the discussion. I couldn’t help noticing the aggressive tone in her voice. She bustled of into a another room down the whole before shooing us out of her house.

“That was weird.” John uttered as he rubbed his head and patted me carefully on the shoulder he knew I was in a state of confusion and wanted to be left alone.

“More like Fishy.” I mumbled before walking into our front door.

I don’t know what it is but I have a feeling that Judy’s hiding something. I know it.

Anyway it’s like four in the morning and I should probably get some sleep.

Emma

Dear diary

I’m really regretting agreeing to go to Judy’s surgery because first of all I don't know if she's a witch, a vampire, a goblin or werewolf you name it. According to Judy the place she’s having her surgery is Mufaja hospital which in my opinion sounds like something out of a fairy tale. I doubt it’s even a real hospital. Anyway I’m wondering whether I should just fake plans so I don’t have to go to her surgery because the last way I want to die is being killed by a witch/vampire/goblin/werewolf. I mean I’m 99.999999% sure that I'm gonna get killed in the hospital so if I want to live a long and happy life I should probably plan something because just by her secretive manner I can tell some things up.

I’m currently thinking of excuses to make so I can get out of this “surgery problem” with Judy. I mean the best excuse I thought of was that my friend’s wedding is on the same day. I could also say that one of my friends' birthdays is on the same day but deep down we all know that going to support a neighbor when she’s having a surgery is more important than going to a friends party. I should've never said I could go. I just felt the words come out of my mouth and there was no way to explain it. I’ve asked John what I should do and he just said I was overreacting but I definitely wasn’t. When I asked him to come along so I felt safe he gulped and made a lame excuse on how he needed to go to the bathroom and would talk later. Well sometimes optimists aren’t very optimistic I suppose.

It’s currently 7:56pm and if the surgery is the day after tomorrow at exactly 2:15pm I have exactly 29h 57 minutes or something rather because like I said I suck at math.

Emma

Dear Diary,

I’ve got a plan! John said he can cover for me and say that I’m sick with a cold and so he came. He’s going to pick up Judy and stay with her at the hospital and then drop her off at her house next to ours. That way I can stay home and relax and I don’t need to worry about dying. Perfect. John is so sweet to do this for me. I wonder why he was so happy to do this for me when he was shivering before about the idea.

Anyway that’s all for tonight and I know I didn’t write much but I seriously need to get some sleep because it’s like 12 in the morning.

Sweet dreams

Emma

Dear Diary,

While I’m eating my cornflakes, I can feel my hand shaking in the darkness. I think this is normal, right. I dunno. I mean John looks pretty confident. I guess I should follow his lead. I mean how bad could this be?

See you later.

If I’m alive.

Emma

DEAR DIARY,

OH THAT WITCH IS DEAD TO ME. HOW DARE SHE? HOW DARE SHE? WHAT’S HER PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD? WHY IS IT ME SHE HAS TO DO THIS MISERABLE AND ANNOYING SPELL ON LIKE WHY? OH SHE’S THAT FILTHY SCUM. THAT PESKY LITTLE-

DEAR DIARY,

OH THAT LITTLE VERMIN CREATURE WITH THAT WEIRD CLOAK OF WITCHINESS. WHAT DOES SHE WANT FROM AN INNOCENT PERSON LIKE ME. OH JUDY THAT LITTLE THING OF DREARINESS AND SADNESS. SO WHAT HAPPENED, calm down Emma, John took Judy to that Hospital in his red toyota and I made sure to tell him that he could call me whenever he was in danger or needed help because after all we were in this together. I was really worried and what made me feel that this was a bad idea was the way Judy was staring as if she knew I was there. It was like she knew I wasn’t sick and was ready to do anything to keep John and I’s relationship going. I saw her smile widen when she waved goodbye to her house. She was showing her teeth that were crooked and browning and looked as if they were left in a can of soda for days. She hopped in before it made me wonder why Judy was so happy about her surgery. I mean shouldn’t she be anxious about the results. Before I could stop the car they had already driven off the driveway and onto the road. I was deeply disturbed during their absence and was determined to find a way to stop any trouble from happening. Our house only had one car and I knew I could have borrowed Ms.Katie's car but I was truly scared that Judy would spot me in the mall and rat me out. I knew witches could technically see through somebody's disguise.

When they got home I saw Judy come out of John's car with a smile that made her face light up. Her cheeks were a healthy crimson red and her hair seemed to be more curly than imagined. She was almost a human except for her soul. Her soul was in other words permanently damaged because of witchiness. I assumed the surgery had gone well and I went over to greet John at the door. He looked tired and very sleepy. He charged in without saying a word to me before locking the door of his bedroom. I was confuzzled. NO matter how sleepy he was John had always greeted me with a smile he had never just stormed in. I followed him and waited outside his room for 10 seconds before calling his name quietly.

“ John. Are you all right?” I asked patiently before I knocked on the door softly. John must’ve fallen asleep or something and I was just about to go confront Judy when I wondered whether Judy had fed John any information.

“John, Did Judy tell you anything that you need to tell me?” I questioned patiently. I wanted actual evidence before I made an accusation.

“JUDY! Is she here?” He half screamed and immediately flung open the door. His face was burning with happiness and his cheeks were a bright red. He ruffled his brownish hair before looking at me weirdly and it looked like he wanted me to lead him to Judy.

I stormed out of the front door to find Judy only to find she had disappeared. There was no trace of her in the house. When I went upstairs I found a note saying ‘HIS SOUL WILL STAY WITH ME.’ Confused, I left the house and called the police. That’s when I realized Judy had taken John's soul and left. I was devastated and the police said they were calling a search party.

Emma

10 years later…

Dear diary,

Today marks the ten year anniversary of Judy’s disappearance and guess what the authorities found her dead in a shack in Afghanistan. She had a dog but he was in terrible condition and was sent to an adoption shelter. John and I are so happy and it turns out Judy was actually a phantom and needed other people’s souls to live that’s why she made up that story about her surgery. I HATE JUDY but she got what she deserved and I’m not going to say anymore. Anyway I think I need to go to bed. I'm tired and I really want to see our new dog Snoopy.

Lot of love

Emma