An awkward, little ghost.

I like to think of myself as an awkward, little ghost, blending with the background, moving about unnoticed. Moving in silence, yet hyper aware of all that is happening around me, as if the numbness hasn't set in yet and I am a newborn ghost, someone with a youthful soul, someone who has not yet tired of roaming the earth but feels like it's a whole new world just waiting to be explored. As if I hadn't done enough exploring alive. I get to revel in the feeling of being an outsider, looking in, examining each and every person's life, closer than ever, never giving away even a hint of my presence. I feel sneaky, like a child watching something that they've been warned not to, but it's fun in a way because I get to see a whole new side, to people I thought I always knew. But this is a blessing and a curse. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss and I should remember not to indulge my curiosity by following people into their homes because sometimes, curiosity breaks your heart. It leads you to answers you realize you never wanted. You were perfectly content with the version of themselves that people wanted you to see. So I move, from place to place, person to person, hoping I might find someone who's the same as they are behind closed doors. Until the panic sets in, until I go mad with worry that nothing is as it seems, until I feel no more like myself, I am content with moving in silence, examining each and every person's life, closer than ever, never giving away even a hint of my presence.