Imaginary Love

"Yay! I finally have a boyfriend! You should see how dreamy he is. I just adore him!"

"My girlfriend is the hottest gal around! You should see her in her prettiest dress. Oh, I love her so much."

"Oh, this weekend, I'm going out with my sweetheart. We're going on a date to the local cafe. Just so we can confirm our admiration for each other."

Love. That was all everyone discussed these days. How they met their special one, how they found peace with their lover - everything and anything in between concerning the subject. Hattie hated all this talk about affection when, in reality, she never had a boyfriend or girlfriend herself.

But yet she understood all the surrounding admiration. Not only because it happened to be February and one week away from Valentine's Day, but also since she almost had a girlfriend herself - long before she declared herself to be aromantic and asexual.

Back in second grade, there were a group of boys who always played various team sports with each other - the biggest example being tetherball, a game where two competitors hit a ball attached to a long rope - which, in turn, is connected to a long pole being supported by a tire - and try to tie the ball around the pole either counterclockwise or clockwise, depending on the side each player was on. The winner was always declared the king. It was sort of like four square in that regard, but the gameplay was vastly different than that of tetherball.

Hattie can vividly remember being interested in playing the sport instead of collecting an endless amount of Shopkins like the other girls in her grade. She had walked up to them and was easily able to join one of the games. At first, the guys - and a girl named Pamela that was among the group - went easy on her, but as time went on, she improved, beating player after player with a powerful punch on the ball and a major height advantage.

However, she was unable to beat Pamela. She was in fourth grade at the time and was about a few inches taller than Hattie - furthermore, she had every perk she had and more.

One faithful day, towards the last day of school, Hattie challenged Pamela to a final game, starting off with her signature slap, which sent the ball flying in her favor. Pamela struck back with just as much power, but Hattie didn't give up that easily. The match grew more intense and even the most female-averse boys in the gathering crowd were whooping and hollering so loud that teachers were sent to examine the situation at hand during recess.

As the round went on, Hattie couldn't help but notice how bright Pamela's long, brown hair shimmered in the sunlight and how her eyes seemed to sparkle whenever the tetherball came soaring at her again. She had never had a real crush before, so she was surprised to find herself thinking differently of her than the other students in her class.

Even though Hattie was very much distracted and about to lose her last match, she was saved by the loud shriek of her teacher's whistle, calling the kids in for class once again.

Pamela had politely waved at Hattie for a good time, not saying a word, but the simple gesture alone made her heart flutter like a butterfly flapping its wings towards nectar in the flowers.

Now that she was in senior year and had long since gotten over Pamela, Hattie recalls her lasting thoughts about this beautiful angel that lasted through elementary school. A sudden feeling of unnatural nostalgia came over her as she envisioned the Pamela-centric thoughts she was enveloped in back then. Pamela and Hattie in each other's arms watching the sun disappear in the hills and the sky aglow with blindingly, white stars. Pamela pulling Hattie in for a long, passionate hug and kiss on her bad days and telling her that everything will be okay. Pamela and Hattie traveling the world together and seeing the Eiffel Tower that Hattie had always wanted to see in person.

Hattie giggled at the now-embarrassing images that were circling her head for three years. Nevertheless, she still wonders how Pamela is doing and hopes she is well, but also questions her nostalgia for her love for this woman when it hasn't even officially happened.