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There’s so much I want to say but I’m afraid.

Afraid to step outside my box.

Afraid to sleep alone.

Afraid to lose you.

If I say one wrong thing, what will you think of me?

Have I said the wrong thing?

Is that why you stopped smiling?

I think too much.

I drink too much.

I smoke too much.

But what are you going to do?

When your whole world

Goes tumbling down in one day.

It’s that pit in your stomach when he tells you

“Just relax”

When you can’t after what happened last time.

It’s the hit you take when your dad leaves

And doesn’t come back.

It’s the burning sensation every time

Someone says,

“Just get over it”

When it isn’t that easy.

How did it get this far?

How have I not realized?

Isn’t this what you wanted?

Didn’t you ask for it?

Didn’t you ask for it?

Didn’t you ask?

For all of this?

As night turns into day,

It’s like life turning upside down once more.

With a swift movement.

Like his hands on your body.

Like young school children on a playground,

We fall down.

But we know when to stand up and say

“I’m okay”

Because the pain is gone.

But what if the pain isn’t gone.

What if it just stays there until one day

You can’t stand up and say

“I’m okay.”

And everyone around you walks.

As you sit there

And watch.