I Would Live

In full honesty? I would pay off my debts, and pay rent for a couple of months, then take that time off from my job (or quit) to finally get the vacation I haven't had since... I never had one.

Then I would buy my ADHD medication I haven't been able to get in months either due to the Adderall shortage - substituting it with other meds that don't work as well - or due to cost.

I wouldn't have to choose between my antidepressants, gas, rent, or food.

I would get a car that isn't a 20 year old scrap heap.

I would help members of my family who need it so they can breathe easier for a bit.

Then, I would put a good chunk of it away in a credit union to accrue interest, and forget it exists.

I would buy my cat the best cat condo on the market, and fill up her cabinet with her favorite food and treats.

I would get my teeth fixed (I need about $4K or more in work done).

I would get my eyes fixed so I won't have to wear glasses anymore.

Then... Finally... I would exhale.

I would curl up in a blanket with a cup of coffee I didn't stress about buying, get the expensive tacos - the really tasty ones from the local place - and decompress for a while to mentally start recovering from my life.

I admit it, I would shop. I would get the things I could never afford; like a new mattress. And I wouldn't be afraid of spending that money.

Then, after a time, with my battery recharged, and my brain and finances under control, I would focus my energy and effort on creating.

I would create more adventures for the characters of "Out There: The 1K" - the scifi/fantasy novel that took me 5 years to build while struggling to keep my sanity working at a restaurant throughout the pandemic and barely - sometimes not - scraping by.

I would not rely on people to help me where the workforce that gave me gray hairs failed. Let's face it; they've been failing me since I entered the job force in 1999. I've been trying to escape it ever since. But... Money.)

I would take voice acting classes, and audition for gigs.

I would focus on becoming an audiobook narrator.

I would sing.

I would look into getting my pilots license like I'd wanted ever since I was a kid.

I would utilize some of my newfound riches for charity for research into ADHD and autism in girls and women.

I would see my family more than once a year.

I would skydive.

Explore.

Create.

Thrive.

I would devote all of my mental energy and motivation to do it.

I would keep my eyes on the horizon.

I would break orbit.

I would finally be free.

I could finally...

LIVE.