Accomplished

I did it. I finally reached the far-fetched dream I dangled in front of myself ever since I was a child. My name in print. My shadowed face on a book jacket. I received the check today and this check laughs at the one framed on my wall from when I won my first monetary award.

This check pays off my truck. This check is an oxygen mask I can finally breathe. No longer do I need to pray for a deer to run in front of me and challenge myself not to hit the brakes. This check says for once I can grab a Starbucks coffee rather than a cup of Folgers topped off with whatever creamer was on sale.

Yes the check is gone in one single minute, but it will live in infamy for the next five years. Sixty months of struggle will disappear from the road in front of me. I can take a day off. I can brag to my friends. I can afford Christmas this year and the next and the next. I can go to the mall instead of Temu. To Amazon instead of eBay.

I dreamt of a loft apartment in a big city with too many windows. I saw myself drop my leather jacket on the white sofa as I walked into my living room. That was the child's dream. The future I saw. Now I just see this impulse sitting in my driveway and I choke myself with the bills. This check is the hand which loosens the noose.

I am not rich. This check left my bank account as quickly as it slid into it. Yet, each month the money will now be a steady climbing line instead of a jagged red heartbeat. The check paves the road I drive on and fills in all those potholes. I am not rich, but I am no longer drowning.