Sick

I feel sick. I feel sick to my stomach.

Not in a bad way at all, strangely. But in a funny, stake your life kind of hard falling stop thinking start feeling lie on the ground and cry of fear and happiness at the same time a h h w h h h h

It could be my allergies-- the wind's been howling and I've been feeling the chills all day. There's a hurricane coming, you know

Hurricane Lee

the world's stomach is as churned up as mine

but not in a bad way at all, strangely.

It could be because I haven't eaten. I've felt better than I have in a while

I can feel myself getting slimmer, not in a toxic sick way but in an accomplished, I've been working out and I'm actually seeing results kind of way.

It could be the guy at work. I'm not trying for anything in particular, what happen will happen and I don't know what I want, I'm not assuming or pressing or hoping or trying too hard-- I feel fine one moment, it's just when he looks at me I feel sick,

I feel sick when he shows interest in me,

I feel sick to my stomach,

but not in a bad way at all, strangely.

It's not all sunshine & love either, its probably a mix of fear and discomfort and misunderstanding, but I've never felt this before.

As bad as it can feel, it's that funny, stake your life kind of living.

There's no denying the connection I can feel the world lapping at my ankles, the ankles I scan for ticks every night,

the world lapping at my ankles like waves on the shore at the marina in a hurricane, Hurricane Lee,

waves and winds that are churning up the world, a now empty harbor,

Episodes in Oceanography

looking at the orange-stained sky

and if I think about it all too much its no longer fun

the fun for me is in the unknown--

once I understand, I know too much

then there's not enough left for my imagination

that's why I like planning for the future

and that's why I like dreams

two equally real worlds

I feel sick. I feel sick to my stomach.

Not in a bad way at all, strangely.

I'll grab some dxm, or some white wine

so I can feel even sicker.