Omnipresent
Dear Reader,
I wish I could tell you that you're going to survive this--I wish I could be the beacon of light that you need in your life right now. It hurts because I know you know that I'm going to be here every step of the way, but you're not going to turn to me despite this. I've told you countless times that despite your venomous words from stress, and your cold shoulder towards me at every corner, I'll be standing right beside you. Hell, I WANT you to take advantage of me, use my kindness and care as much as you need, I don't care if it's too much pressure on me, I just want you to use the resources you have. Forcing yourself to be alone won't help you, trust me I've tried, and you know this better than anyone because you elbowed your way into my life despite me pushing you away and trying to break our friendship for your sake. You were there for me way back when, so why won't you let me return the favor? I guess it's ironic to ask considering what happened when our roles were reversed.
I'm running out of things to say. There are only so many ways I can say that I'm here for you. You're a man, subjected to the demands of society and furthermore your father, but for Christs sake, I know you can show emotion! You've cried in my arms, screamed beside me, and shown me every piece of you, so why close yourself off now?
I don't even know if you'll ever actually read this, I think this letter may be more for me to just let it all out about what's going on. I struggle to get out my thoughts, especially when I'm emotional.
Why am I even saying this? Both of us now how horrible of a speaker I am.
Part of me wants you to read this as an even further emphasis of my love, but the other part of me knows it's not going to mean anything to you right now. I know I'll come back to this every night, re-reading it in hopes to change my words so they're more convincing so that one day you'll be able to read it and it'll flip a switch in your mind. I know that's too much to ask.
I just care about you, and I'll be right beside you until the end. It's the least I can do.
With love,
Your love