When the Past Becomes the Present and the Future Becomes Now

The day was clear, and the sun bright. There was a breeze that belied the picturesque illusion. Death is inevitable. No one escapes. Some deaths are easier to take than others. The funeral was my great-grandmother's funeral. I was six. I don’t remember much, but there is a picture where our family posed in front of cars. I am unsure where we are because I do not recognize the scene. If it were my grandmother’s house, there would be an incline, and we could not be as near the street as we are.

Regardless, as far as funerals go, this one was not the saddest in the world because Grandma Parker lived a long life and loved the Lord. She always had the Bible in her lap. The only picture I remember seeing was her in her chair with the large Bible.

In the photo from the funeral are Mom and Dad; I don’t know how old they were, but since Mom was seventeen when my brother was born, then eighteen months later, me, then my sister eighteen months after that, and my little brother eighteen months after her, let's see, that is four eighteen months so four times eighteen is (math majors? Answer please). That is about six years. My older brother was close to eight then, so mom was in her mid-twenties, and dad was in his late twenties.

As I said earlier, some funerals are not as heart-wrenching as others. My family did not realize at the time we would face a different kind of funeral. A few months later, on another clear sunny day, when the breeze was not so cutting, my family faced another death. We were all the same age, or perhaps my older brother and my sister may have had a birthday in between the two funerals.

This death was tragic, unexpected, and unnecessary,

and changed the trajectory of an entire family.

God, you made me and created me the way I am

for the purpose of living as well as I can.

I have lived my life through all the ups and downs.

There have been some smiles but mostly frowns.

Even when my face had a smile,

the frown in my soul did not subside.

I have had so many successes in my life

only because You are there in my strife.

But somehow, I cannot justify

being content with what I have.

Even now, when things seem so good,

I have a place to live, better than I should.

I have no bills for the first time, I might say,

because you provided me with the means to pay.

I am enrolled in a school that costs a lot,

but the first semester, I had no out-of-pocket costs.

Scholarships and grants paid for my three classes

and so far, my grades are my greatest assets.

So why do I feel like a change is coming?

Are things too good so I feel like running?

Is that really what it is about, Lord?

You tell us to stand firm in every chapter of Your Word.

Just like on that day when one death occurred.

We had no idea in just a few days, life would be hard.

The hardness of the death of my brother that day

a family could not rise above sadness in any way.

When good times were experienced for the rest of our years,

there was always a cloud hanging around to lament the cheer.

No one spoke to each other about the turmoil

such a death caused; we just lived with the chill.

God, you never promised life would be gentle and kind.

I know all your promises in my mind.

Even though the way we travel is hard,

You have always provided a way for us to survive.

An overcomer, a survivor, amazing, I have been called

but we know, You and I, it is only because

of your love, I could never walk this life of mine alone

and come out with anything of my own.

This month, I learned what irritation sometimes means.

That there is a change coming that cannot be seen.

A premonition you allow to prepare our souls

to be able to handle it, caused by surprise or woe.

It is time for me to get out of my head,

and take the steps I need to instead.

As I approach the future, which will soon become.

the present, it can either bring joy or perhaps more glum.